Took Some Me Time Today

I took some extra time to sleep today. I phoned my uncle. He's going to help me with the cash flow problem these next couple of weeks. When I hung up, I balled my eyes out. Partly in relief, partly in grief, partly to take the edge off my fear and anxiety. I'm not given to crying. I've never cried so much as these past eight days.

I can't believe he's so non-plussed. Maybe that's his way to deal with things. Of course he's seen many folks pass away in his life including his own parents, been through a couple divorces and so forth. However, he's not (to my knowledge) handled affairs. Mother did that for their mother and he was 16 when his dad passed.

For me, this is a truly herculean task. He asked when she'll be interred which I still can't tell him and what the autopsy says which, again, I still can't tell. It feels like such a long, drawn-out process. Autopsy results can take four-six weeks, for example. And her ashes are waiting on the hospital to issue its death certificates. Checked on the insurances. Those are paid up until at least Sept. which is a major break.

I'm just now trying to eat breakfast at 3pm. It's gone ice cold. Dreams were odd. Except feeling like I was being pursued, I couldn't draw any parallel to my waking situation. The cat hogged too much of the bed last night. I gave her more hair ball gel. She's ok. When did the fish get so big? Right this second I want to wrap myself in a blanket and curl up in a corner to hide from reality. I'll feel less edgy when I'm fed. I do know why some folks go through inconsolable grief.

We were through so many things together, Mother and I. I can't yet accept she's gone.