Lost Weekend?

Well I forced myself to stay in bed until noon. That was only an hour or two extra of sleep. It rained last night. And now I see it might rain Thursday. Supposedly the rain is done for today but considering the forecast didn't mention rain which appeared, I wonder why they spend so much money on weather technology. They're pretty good at hurricanes but they don't seem very good about the more subtle weather here. Whatever.

So Brother just emailed. He worked Saturday and is back again today so he won't be over at all. Thus a lost weekend for accomplishing things with the wallboard and french doors. Disappointing and not good for my mental state to be sure.

Had a weird dream. I've had a few of late. I'll write about them later. Maybe. Consider this a "marker" for that. Or not.

Ok, it's after 6pm now. The weather cleared so I spent the afternoon painting wrought iron. It's a fairly Zen thing. I think I'll miss it a bit when I'm finally finished. Give me another day's afternoon, perhaps two and I think I could have it wrapped up. Then maybe I'll attack interior painting to keep myself occupied this week. Chatting with the neighbor kept me sane. I think I'll go over for a bit of TV viewing one night this week.

I've had a bit of a rough time and narrowed it down with regards to Mother's passing. I want to know if I had a hand in her death. She was given an anti-inflammatory for her back pain and I wonder if that medication triggered the blockage which lead to tissue death causing the septic infection that ultimately took her away. Since I was the one who picked up the meds and dished them out as requested I want to know if I had a part. Was I death's unknowing instrument? Still no sign of the autopsy yet which could shed light on things. Since the death certificate only suggests this had happened days prior to her death it's well within the window of when she was taking that anti-inflammatory. That type of drug has been in the news a lot for causing or carrying added cardio risks. It can't bring her back but I'd like my mind set at ease. Was this just "her time" or a terribly confluence of events in which I played a part as a facilitator? If the problem goes back before she was put on those meds I'd feel better. As it is now, her death seems a foul up of modern medicine. As my uncle said, "That's why doctors have a license to practice medicine." The key being practice.

I've been kicking around seeing if I can become part of the exodus to Tennessee from CA along with my uncle's family. I'm familiar with my surroundings now but I think they aren't good for me. It's easy for me to be isolated, not easy to get around and so forth. A whole new scene could be very therapeutic for me. What's in Tennessee? Well, not a lot. Nashville is on the other end of the state and pretty much everything comes from there. It would be a very different circumstance. More down-to-earth. Housing is inexpensive. I'd have relatives there, some or nearly all I don't know so well but it would be a new adventure for everyone. Staying here makes sense only if I'm attached to my home city. My SIL doesn't like me. That's the vibe. I wouldn't mind being around my brother or the nepheices but it's clear I'd basically have to move virtually on top of them or be willing to drop in at random.

I should nap OK tonight. Hopefully no paint cold will strike.