Another Weekend

So tonight ends regular time here. I have to change the clocks but I think I'll hold off until tomorrow. Got to install that new thermostat so why have to set the clocks twice, right? Anyway, that's one idea. Or maybe I'll change them anyway. I felt fabulous at 5am. Like a fool I didn't get up then, instead I went back to sleep and when I did wake up again I felt like I'd be rolled down a hill. Been a tough day on me, been feeling dark and moody. While I felt better this afternoon, I'm still having a rough time. I am missing Mother, I'm tired of the cat in my bed, trying to mull what point I have to my life any longer, whether Brother's bringing the nephew tomorrow, what to put on the agenda tomorrow... It's probably just stupid cynicism and fear of the adversity coming in a month or so. Adversity because I'm sure the insurance won't pay so obviously all I see is a featureless, inky void ahead.

I really need a resolution to the insurance case. Duckie's comment yesterday did have a point about getting an outside job. That could be both mentally beneficial and offer some income but it'll definitely slow progress on the house sale preparations. Can't afford that if we plan to make a May date. Must talk with Brother about that, get his notions on a backup plan.

I can't help but wish Mother were still here so I could avoid this circumstance. My head feels like it's being squeezed like a pimple. Grrr. Must find a diplomatic way to get my Brother to be more involved in this house preparation. I'm feeling burned out and used, even used up. I wondered what the least impactful method of putting myself out of my misery was... perhaps throwing myself under a train? I need a respite. Will try to do jury duty on Monday if weather is good. Not expected until Wednesday--me at jury duty, not the rain. I so want to scream. Missed Duckie online by minutes while I was making food. *SIGH*

I guess there is going to be a sequel to the first "Eating Out" (why!?) but what are the chances they'll get Ryan Carnes back now that he's in "Desperate Housewives" as Andrew's boyfriend? Been listening to some music tonight. It's helped with my general mood some. Wish me a good night's sleep or maybe that the cat smothers me with a pillow!