Miserable Mood

Well it's 11:11pm and I'm feeling a bit miserable in mood. I did basically nothing today. It rained so it wasn't conducive for doing much. I also didn't really have any plans on tap. The mail brought my $15 from jury duty which, of course, ebay has sucked up. Well, that plus the bus fair for my trip down to the court house means a net loss for my troubles.

Not much happening online and haven't watched anything. I did put some more MP3's back on the 'puter. Older stuff that bring a bit of nostalgia. The cat just came in to holler at me for not being in bed. Brother is supposed to come over in the morning so maybe she has a point.

I spent some time on YouTube looking at concert clips last night. I'm glad I didn't go to a Clay Aiken concert at least yet. Didn't seem like much of a show. I think I'm looking forward to Anthony Federov's debut CD more than Clay's new album. It really depends on the song choice. I've seen rumors Anthony's doing some Spanish-language tracks. Well, um... my Spanish is crap (unused for at least a dozen years) and how weird is it for a Ukrainian to compete on American Idol and get a record deal to sing in Spanish? I don't know if I have an opinion on the "internet gay rumors" about Clay except that I wish people would just leave him alone. I just read a statement today that Hispanic actors have a moral duty to speak up for illegal immigrants. It's like those who want to "out" Clay (or anyone) to force them into a public role regardless of their personal feeling.

The house is feeling a bit claustrophobic. Could just be in my head tonight. Is it because tomorrow is two months since Mother passed? That's still not "real" to me. It's like she's off on some holiday and I'm just here playing house with the cat waiting for her to return. Just read a story in another state about a 14 yr old who was tossed from a truck his mom was driving. He hit a poll head on and died, the 10 yr old sister is critical and the mom is a quadriplegic. None had a seat belt and alcohol is suspected. What a waste! I mention the story only because a relative visits a web board I read and the topic was something like "Just in time for Easter" or something. Very cynical. Very me.

Vegas is going to Hawaii with the boyfriend and I just realized tonight how only a month ago he was lamenting his financial situation that he didn't expect pay for the things he wanted! Sets my teeth on edge. I liked him better before he turned vegan. Then buddhist. Then back to omnivore. Then gay. Anyway, I have no idea what his next surprise will be. Maybe he'll announce he wants to be a woman!

He's still down on his mom for immediately embracing the boyfriend thing. Well no shit! You date women into your 30s and then say, "Hi Mom. I'm queer now," it's going to be a shock! His recent email claims he thinks there is "healing" going on. Right. I'm amazed at his intolerance of his parent's faiths and views. It's that whole diva/bitch thing going on that I butted heads with. You know how it went: "Oh, tomorrow you put Mother into the ground, want to go to a tit-bar?" Anyway, you can read the prior posts on that social encounter (no, we didn't go). I don't think it got through to him when I wondered aloud why he came over. To me it completely seemed like he wanted to feel he had done a good thing, something to put on his "good person" resumé. A notch on his belt. Clearly he wasn't here for me. I'm annoyed that I'm still annoyed a month on. Deep cleansing breaths time!

Should get into bed and pet the kitty. Maybe tomorrow I'll feel better about life and living.