End of the Week

Well it's Friday. Rain due tonight. I feel like someone was trying to suck my brain out my neck while I slept last night. I had a dream about... something. Wasn't interesting enough to remember right now, certainly not erotic.

Went next door for a couple hours last evening. The neighbor gave his wife one of those toaster pastries. After he asked her, "Could you taste it?" A nod yes came. "What did it taste like?" "Sausage!," was the reply. And he said, "Maybe more like apple?" A nod yes came. And he tells her it had been apple and cinnamon. Nothing new to me, I'd seen this kind of confusion with my own father. Later she blurted out, "Why don't you go home!," to me. This hadn't happened before. She was tired and wanted to go to bed. I understood; I'd see this kind of behavior before. She sleeps about 16 hours a day now. You don't want a major stroke, or series of them for that matter. Your brain gets scrambled. You're may be better off dying from it than arresting the death process if only because surviving a major stroke leaves you in a very undignified state. She'll only be 65 next month. She hasn't yet reached the level of dementia my father did where words became replaced with hand motions and cross looks. I hope she doesn't. Modern medicine can be inhumane where it halts death but leaves you just barely alive such as the Florida case from last year of Terri Shiavo. Her autonomic functions continued for years but she was effectively dead, being fed by machine, brain reduced massively as the dead tissue atrophied. It's 15 until 10am. I was just reading the Shiavo autopsy. Oy! I don't know if I want to read that kind of detail about Mother although I'm expecting a copy of her autopsy. Sometimes it better to be ignorant.

I'm going to call the investigator's cell again; maybe try the office number too. Leave messages if necessary. Not sure what I hope to accomplish today. I'll have time to decide that while I'm finishing breakfast.

Well it's 15 until 2pm now. I finally got ahold of the investigator. She's sent the paper work to the medical provider who I then called and left a message. I did get a call back there. She hasn't gotten the paperwork yet and, as I suspected, since Brother's name is on the death certificate (because he paid for the cremation) he might have to authorize. Or both. Or neither. Depends on exactly what the insurance company has sent. It'll take 8-10 days for the records request to be processed. So I'll probably not know anything until the end of April when the insurance company will laugh at me and tell me to go away. Called brother around noon, SIL said he could get up in 'an hour' which he might've but he hasn't called yet. I want to find out his plan for the weekend. I'm so very tired today. Had two bowls of chili from the grocery deli for lunch. The cat seems bored. I don't blame her one bit. There was already a small shower today. I wish it was sunny outside. I go out, I find I'm uncomfortable and come back in only to think I should go outside! Ugh. I think I'm getting "cabin fever" a bit.

After 4pm still no call back from Brother. I'm shocked! (As if!) Feeling really down. Unclear why but I am feeling a sudden push of wishing Mother was here. I'd like to scream with annoyance but it would do no good. I want to hide in bed with the kitty. *sigh* :(

It's about 5:30pm. I finally heard from Brother for a couple minutes. He had the day off. Didn't seem interested in anything I had to say in part because he had a guest in the house and was watching the baby nephew. Anyway, when he hung up to go discipline the niece I was just a little annoyed. WTF did he call? I'm sick of this shit and doing all this work at the house. I was *thrilled* (bullsh!t) to hear him say he hadn't even given a thought to coming over this weekend. WTF!? I want to bang my head on something sharp now.

Not yet 9pm. No idea how I managed to distract myself for these past three hours or so. I've been snacking on crackers. I took out the wrong ones. These are mother's multigrain ones. I wanted just saltines. Will probably have a yogurt in a bit. Brother emailed that he's supposed to come out Sunday. I need to be emphatic but polite: I can't do all this alone, it isn't fair nor is it healthy for me. I wish someone would wake me up from all this. It's a great annoyance!