Sloth And Paper

I went to bed finally and it was about 3am the last time I noticed the time on the clock. I woke up at 6am, passed out again for awhile. When I did wake probably before 10am, I decided I wasn't rested enough. Having a cat laying on top of me is a good way to know it's not worth getting out of bed yet. I didn't. Yes, I was lazy today. I didn't really get my day fully started until the afternoon.

Called brother later in the afternoon just to see if he'd read my emails since I'd seen no reply back. We were interrupted by another call and he said he's call back. He didn't. No surprise, it was nearly time for him to go to work anyway. We were just commiserating.

This evening I've been in the addition area, sorting boxes and bags of papers that Vegas and I had set aside for me to do just that. Some things got recycled, many things found a home in the trash bag. Other stuff went into a separate bag for keeping or shredding later. Even though I know I spent hours on this I feel I've little to show for my efforts. Oy! I imagine my back may ache a bit tomorrow. I did some climbing on the furniture and, attempting to keep my balance, suddenly realized I was the only person in the house so if I fell I'd be in a real fix! Potential disaster averted.

I've had cereal lately; I'm not really a cereal eater. It was Mother's. Unopened and due to expire in April, I figured I best get to it so it didn't go to waste. Been a nice departure from my usual routine. I'm having some rice, broccoli, chicken, carrot, almond thing for 'dinner' right now. I can't believe how tired I feel overall. It has to be stress. If I didn't have that insurance policy question hanging about I'd feel more comfortable with the future.

I opined that I must be doing a penance having to sort all of this stuff for Mother. Found some old birthday cards Brother got from old girlfriends. I'll shred them. Seems no reason to ask and I don't feel like meddling or being accused of meddling. The desert is that cherry and chocolate concoction again. Blech! I'll eat it anyway. I need the nutrients. I don't really miss the regular TV schedule (I dropped cable TV as a cost saving measure). It's a bit more of a social thing for me. That used to be the only time my Father and I were alone: watching TV. Well, he watched TV and I sat there doing homework. And now going to my neighbors for a bit of evening TV watching as well. I don't care to watch TV alone. It isn't entertaining enough to do it! If I want to know what I'm missing, I can check out spoilers online.

I got a photo of me and Vegas in email. I look pale! I don't know if it's the direct sun, if I'm really pale or if it's in contrast to his olive, tanned skin. Probably all of those. I've never been a sun worshiper. I also think I look feminine. I think it's because I'm smiling. It was windy so my hair isn't the best. Actually I look like I got Hitler's stylist to do it. Oy (again)! I'm eating that cherry thing. I should write and complain. Who the hell gave raves on this in the taste testing panels? OMG! I spy Duckie online!

Ok, Duckie has been online. We've chatted a bit. That's good but I remembered I didn't mention the SIL talking about being afraid RL (oldest nephew) is gay. Or will grow up gay. Now Mother would tell me the SIL was saying this for ages but part of me wondered if Mother was just probing. I haven't really have much of a relationship with the SIL, she basically ignores me, so I didn't know. Anyway, we were talking about how bad the niece is doing with her speech and how impossible it is to get her into preschool under current circumstances. We all know the girl is delayed (thank you, freebasing egg donor!) and it's been a real concern. I think she was surprised when I revealed Mother and I had looked into funding preschool for the niece but were knocked over by the costs--see past blogs, I think I ranted on this topic months ago. So then she was talking about the niece and how she preferred to do boy things, that she's a tomboy which the SIL likes because the SIL doesn't like girly-girl things either. Now, I laugh because the SIL is basically the most girly-girl female I've known. Then she brought up RL and how he was the opposite and liked doing more girl type things like arts and crafts projects, playing with dolls, wanted to learn about sewing and she talked about worrying he might grow up to be gay and was refusing to let him do those sorts of activities.

I told her if it ever could've been changed it's too late. She can blame the birth mother be it caused by in utero, nurture or a combination. If it can't be changed then he is who he is and not to fret about it while he's 7 or 8! Now, mind you, I think she's a bit over paranoid. Truth, I wouldn't want any son of mine to "grow up gay" because it's a tortured existence regardless of what progress has been made in the past 20 or 10 years. I'm not convinced were even beyond the stage of "queers" being beaten or threatened with violence which was something I worked on curbing in my uni days. There's also a great deal of immaturity in the out gay community with drug use, drama, using people, deprecation of relationship building, over-emphasis on sexual release, etc. There's a lot of unhealthy practices.

The best thing they can do is to give him a confident character. He's a shy kid but naturally athletic. I admit I giggle inside when she talks of him being catcher at his little league game just after talking about whether he'll grow up to be homosexual. I find it a bit funny she's worried about him but not worried about the "tom boy" aspects of the niece. No concerns about her becoming a lesbian I guess. She mentioned the notion about RL came to my brother as well at some point. She says she asked, "He'll still be your son won't he? You'll still love him, right?" and said it wouldn't matter if he turns out gay. Well, right. She told me she said similarly to him when he thought I was gay during my uni years until I talked to him about my girlfriend and that sexual intimacy. None of that really helped our relationship which is in a weird place.

He doesn't really know me well (I think) and we're fairly different people. He's more combative, I'm more easily used. I'm probably more libertarian conservative (what's called a South Park Conservative in some circles) while he's probably more fundamentally conservative. He's much more keen on history while I'm more keen on current events. He has liked fiction while I've mostly preferred to read for information. He's more mechanically inclined while I'm perhaps better at abstract things. I think he's more shaped by having confronted the "real world" while I've not had to in such a direct way. He's resilient, a scrapper. I fret, putter around and struggle with daily things. In a crisis I'm calm and methodical; he's more emotional.

It's 11pm here. I'm going to have cereal and probably lie down a bit. Pet the cat, feed the fish.