Tuesday's Musings

OK, it's Tuesday. It's about half-based 2pm. I didn't sleep well. Had a dream with Brother (rare appearance!) and I at hospital trying to get autopsy for Mother. In the dream I said Father had died and then corrected myself. Other parts of the dream were weird too.

I was up late putting down the floor moulding, finishing out the hall-kitchen area. I didn't put trash bins out. I couldn't be bothered. They were still basically empty anyway. It's hot again today. Worse than yesterday. There was possibility of thunderstorms but that's only meant humidity, no rain or light shows.

Woke up feeling anxious-depressed. I ate feel a bit better, though not fantastically. I'm still avoiding putting some financial things in motion although I'm going to pay the water bill today.

I had a thought earlier in the hour that I don't have to stay with this house and that some of the things I've been focused upon is really a "continuation" of sorts of Mother-Father's life and not "beginning" my own. I need to puzzle that more and see if there's much intermingling of those two ideas, in what sense and how it compromises my authentic thought processes and desires on moving forward. It's clearly an important thing.

Think I'll have a more substantive meal in a bit. That cereal doesn't go far these days.