The Panic In Me

I hate panic. It's obnoxious. Well, ok, maybe not panic. I don't panic but I do get stressed and work myself into a tense neck which is quite uncomfortable. I got the water bill payment scheduled. Reviewed a credit report. Seems I had a credit card account I didn't know I was a party to. I'll look into this but I think I know of the circumstance of the card, account now closed.

What else have I done other than work myself into a neck of knots? I gave kitty hair ball stuff. Neighbor didn't phone, I figured he wouldn't. I sat outside with him and his wife for a few minutes. It was a hot day and she had a blanket over her. I remember those days with Father! Neighbor seemed drained. He said he had done three (or four?) loads of laundry due to his wife. That will drain you since it requires stripping and cleaning another person and getting them dressed again each time. I remember those days with Father too well. I used to ask Mother if she missed the "old days" and she said no. Can't ask that today. I thought I'd get a call or visit from my uncle or Brother but no.

It's Tuesday and I've made it through most of the tasks I'd considered for the week. I have some financial things and calls to make. Had another call from estate creditor probably asking for a payment this month due to their stupid internal rules which would cause them to lose the account to a collection agent. I'll deal with that tomorrow. I think I'll try for an early rest or an early rise at least. Only matters that I get things done, not really the time of day they get done I suppose.

It's about 9pm. Could use another meal. I've the urge to do more cereal. I've had cereal, yogurt and a "Healthy Choice" frozen meal.

Did I mention the walk I took today? I took the old housing development map that Father & Mother had and walked around to see what their choices were. Once I saw, I understood how we ended up in this house of the choices. There were other, larger, nicer choices but most were up against a proposed school site which Father didn't want to have the yard up against. In those days he did "shift work" and was often a day sleeper. As it was, you could hear the school yard although it wasn't nearly so loud as it would've been. The school is gone now, with a park in its place. If only we'd known, right? Since this house was on a "view lot" in those days, it made sense to pick it over the same home model in another place. Of course that view disappeared in about two years when a canyon was filled and more houses built by a different developer. Brother and I noticed several examples of that Sunday as we looked for "Open House" signs. Clearly folks lost their canyon views when another developer decided to either put another set of houses just a bit further down the canyon or fill it in some areas.

Honestly, I'd have been extremely outraged. This community was basically undeveloped. There was next to nothing. So why fill in canyon when there was huge parcels of dirt waiting for development? Bastards! It was probably greed. Why charge one set of suckers for a "view" when we can destroy their view to charge a new set of suckers for it!

Mother said the immediate neighbors and they were out at midnight as the bulldozers began the work the night the building moratorium ended. What can you do, really? This was one of those "Master Planned" communities. Now parts of it looks like a slum as folks move out and turn the homes into investment properties or as immigrants bring their old culture to America and don't assimilate. This used to be a nice community, composed mostly of military families but more importantly it was composed of home owners, not renters, folks on welfare... I have to think every city will go this way. Mother talked about her own city "dying" and was appalled at what it had become when we visited maybe 15 years after she'd come West. This one is dying too but I can't tell if it's truly destined to be fatal.

Well at least I'm feeling less wound up. Now I need to puzzle a meal. Maybe I'll have fruit preserves. I haven't had that in awhile.