Battle Pampas Grass

Well, I took on the pampas grass on the north side of the house. What a pain! The blades of grass stick to your clothes and they're kind of sharp. Now this thing, how it got there I don't know, this thing was taller than the roofline and perhaps wider than I am tall. I got it cut back with shrears but clean up has been less than neat. I've take up half the driveway again with this mess and there's still more to move. Highly annoying since I have no empty bins so I'm dragging this stuff from one end of the lot to the other! Anyway, I dug around the base to get to some roots but I couldn't get it out today. I'll try again tomorrow. I managed to bend the metal spade on the shovel too! I really started to feel a bit exhausted. Of course I had only had a bowl of cereal and some Gatorade. When I'm exerting myself on a project like that I drink plenty of Gatorade so I don't get dehydrated. I've been treated for dehydration before. It's not fun.

I was awakened by the phone. One of Mother's creditors was calling to beg for a payment so they don't write off the account as a loss. I explained the lawyer said "don't pay anything" until that stage of probate and so the woman took the lawyer's info. I have no problem paying as long as the funds are available. I'd rather they get the money since it is legitimately due to them than some collection agent. The lawyer emailed that if we were willing to go ahead and make the payment. I call the SIL because she had been CC'd on that email which she hadn't read yet. She's irritating. I have no idea why she's so angry over the estate. She's convinced herself there is at least twice as much debt as there is and is always pushing to get the house done and sold. It's off-putting. Anyway, I'm trying to use her to get Brother to go with me to the court date on Tuesday. She didn't even know what time the hearing was! I don't know if they talk much at all. It's all very... weird.

I'm going next door to watch some TV and socialize. I haven't been in about eight days. I decided I needed the break.

My meds arrived in the mail today. They'd been delivered to another street! Obviously they didn't take 7-10 days like the recording said. So that trip to the pharmacy and the wait was a bit of a waste except I ended up with a week's extra meds for free. Maybe I'll use that service again. Postage was $1 and change.

Brother might come over Sunday. I'll expect him until I hear differently. For now it'll be me and the cat on Saturday.

I went next door for a couple of hours. It was a little odd, or maybe it was me. Anyway, Brother emailed. He thinks the creditor should "go hang" because they'll sell the debt to a collection agency anyway. He seemed quite angry in his email. I've emailed the lawyer to find out why there was agreement this payment could be done. I replied to Brother and asked if he would be against even using Mother's savings for the payment. He said I could do what I want with my money. Basically I don't want to be taking calls from a collection agency, I don't want them to be trying to demand even more money and other high-pressure tactics. That's stress I don't need. And Brother does need but mostly his wife will probably have to listen to because she'd probably answer the calls. Mother has the money in a savings account, if we can access it, so I don't see a problem. Maybe he or his wife had a battle once with this creditor over an account. I don't know. Mother's dead, sure, but it would be nice to protect her "good name" by servicing her debts. It's less stressful for all involved except, of course, coming up with the money. I'll probably have urges to play in the freeway traffic if the insurance doesn't pay.

I hate it when Brother seems angry. He seemed angry a lot growing up. Anger is toxic to one's health and the health of those around you! I'm probably better keeping my distance. I've found myself very often adversely affected by such drama. He really needs to uncomplicate his life. I don't understand how he allows himself to be tormented by the drama caused by his in-law's relationship with his wife. She's INSANE for coming back for more, time and again. Add in her health dramas, money dramas, unstable work history... I don't know he would enjoy spending more time at home rather than keeping the hours he does working. He acknowleged a desire to edit his life, simplify. The SIL talks of being worried about losing income since the kids she's been baby-sitting are soon leaving but I don't know if she has any plans to try to replace that income. Yes she has a new infant (which she demanded) and a daughter who seems more and more developmentally delayed. There just isn't a lot of rational planning. She's 36 this year.

I feel fortunate that I'm not responsible for anyone by myself right now. I openly admit I don't know if I could take that on. I wouldn't want to do what Brother's doing. There's no benefit to that kind of stress. I'm still getting used to taking care of the cat and her fish. Well, I'm just getting used to focusing on myself. That's frequenly been a blind spot in my life. Too focused on other people, too often detrimentally. I don't know if this is comfortable. Surely I'll have to watch out for just finding some hard luck case to take in but I don't want to stay solo for all time. I already is dull and feels very empty. I want to be careful to not allow myself to be defined, or even consumed, by work.

Between the SIL's paranoia and pressure and Brother's seeming denial and anger, I wish I was handling the estate all by myself. I see this as a kind of adventure and as taking care of Mother. I'm still a bit ashamed for some of how long it took me to get focus. Tisk, tisk. There are plenty of things irritating me and that need to be worked on but most days I can pull it together and be productive. I don't know how that will work for me when I'm out of this house. I'll miss having it to work on. Must remember Mother's words when I said there were some things I'd do differently in the kitchen, "There's always the next (one)." Wish Mother were here.

Read something a bit depressing. Someone was quoting scripture, I think they were books of the Apocrypha which isn't in all versions of the Holy Bible (e.g. not in the traditional King James). It essentially said when you're dead you have no idea what's going on with the living nor do you miss it because you don't even remember it. That seems to contradict Catholic teaching where the memory is part of the soul--is that from St. Augestine? Well, there may be a reason that collection of books is known as the Apocrypha and absent from a many Bibles including modern printings of classic versions which originally included them such as the Vulgate.

It's 1am. Perhaps I'll linger and see if Duckie will appear. I'm tired of blogging.