Word of the Day

nebbish - a person, esp. a man, who is regarded as pitifully ineffectual, timid, or submissive.

late 19th century from Yiddish nebekh 'poor thing'

Do you Firefox?

If you use Firefox and want to save YouTube clips (or clips from many sites) you should try this free plug-in, Download Helper.

Firefox had an update this past week. It's now at 2.0.0.1. No, that isn't a typo. :P

The guy who originally played Lionel Jefferson on "The Jeffersons" passed away at 57 (throat cancer).

I got a Christmas card from my uncle. I had successfully stalked him online to find his new address since neither I nor my brother had heard from him since he left the state in August. Jeebus! His house still hasn't sold!

Mother got a certificate that she has paid off the mortgage. Yay Mother! Too bad you're dead and can't enjoy it. :/ What else? Hmm. Phone rang again. It is stupid "Unknown Name" at a toll-free number. I see from online that it's a company trying to get me to pay for longer appliance coverage. They never leave a message but I still have to clear the call from the machine. How annoying. :P

My bank has told me they are changing my account type. It will now have a $6 monthly fee! Those bastards! Doesn't start until Feb tho so now I'll be looking for other account types and maybe another bank. Been their customer for like 15 years and never had fee. Grr.

12 Days of '06

It's funny!

The 12 Days of 2006

Cast your vote!

Cunning Dental Group dental makeover (frightful images ahead)

Chocolate-Pork-Pancake Update!

I found them at grocery. They were SEVEN ($7) for a box! I didn't buy. :/

Ultimate Piggy Food?

Should I buy?

Men, Turn Back The Clock? (PG-13)

Turn it back in ways you didn't expect that is.

Scientists in the UK are working on a contraceptive Pill for men. However, it would be easily taken hours before a "date" and not need to be taken daily as it won't stop sperm production like some efforts being researched.

It would, however, roll back time to your early years when masturbation led to dry orgasms (wikipedia). It works by preventing ejaculation!

Daily Mail has more.

Seriously, do they not understand the term "money shot" exists for a reason? I could see this being a fetish item among those who like to role play. I can also see the "reproductive rights" "progressives" trying to make this as nearly universal for young males as they have made the Pill for young females. I see the dollar signs in their eyes already!

RIP Dave Cockrum, artist / creator

Dave co-created the modern X-Men including Colossus, Nightcrawler, Storm and Phoenix. He wasn't my favorite artist but I thought he had a solid ability of designing covers. He has passed away after a long illness at 63.

Below is a favorite, the debut of Phoenix, Uncanny X-Men #101:

Coming Out Of The Woodwork?

LOST's Michelle Rodriquez has come out as a lesbian. Her girlfriend is T3's Kristanna Loken. Read more at The Advocate

Loken, as the T-X, with CA Governor Schwarzenegger in "T3: Rise of the Machines"

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Happy Birthday to Muz.

Moving?

Well tomorrow Brother is putting in for a home loan to buy this house.  It's expected he'll be successful.  I'll need to figure out where to move to.

It was very hot today, I had a nap in the afternoon because I was feeling miserable. I may have picked up Brother's cold. He was over to chat a bit yesterday.

I talked about a small house nearby and sent him some photos. He agreed it is nice but the price is beyond ridiculous.  I'll have some money to move but not enough to outright purchase a place in this area I think.  Need to do considerable looking.  And, of course, I need to decide just what it is I need to keep.  I did lots of cleaning out earlier this year but there is plenty that I hung on to that, really, could be parted with.

I'm a packrat by nature and after 30 years you can imagine I've packed quite a bit.  I'd rather let others sort and throw away than me. I need to adopt Mother's mood when she would get into a cleaning fit. She was vicious, even merciless. :(

Last night I was thinking about my fear of success. Now I just want to vomit which, if I get enough chocolate into me might just happen!  Was going to do more cereal but I think I'm in the mood for pasta.

Another One?

Former "Doogie Howser" star Neil Patrick Harris has told People Magazine he's gay too.

He has "come out" because of "speculation and interest in my private life and relationships."

A certain gay gossip terrorist apparently can't seem to leave celebrities alone. Bastard.

Nov 1st, All Saints (Day)

It is 1 Nov! How did I get here? Yikes.

November has never really been a month I've enjoyed. As a young child, I was hospitalized and almost died in a Nov, grandmother died in a Nov, I broke off my first "adult" relationship in a Nov, Father went into hospital for the last time in a Nov... It's not my favorite month! Make it go away?

I had no trick-or-treat visitors last night so Kitty and I can hoard our candy until we explode. Except she can't have chocolates so it's mine. Mine! All MINE!

Just had fella come to door begging for support of candidate. I hate candidate? Candidate is bastard. I voted for candidate and agreed to endorse.

My chocolates say, "Find your passion" and "Love without rules."

Kitty is in the bedroom window getting sun! I still haven't gotten out to post office. I did do three bills though. Internet is good. Saves me stamps!

Mail came. It is time to pay the yard-nazis fees for "community" pool. Bah. 30 years and I still have no key.

I'm bored with the Kerry story? He's an ass. Go Troops!:

RIP, Last Firefighter Dies From Esperanza Arson

23-year-old Pablo Cerda has passed away. He served for 2 yrs and had suffered lung damage and 3rd degree burns on over 90% of his body.  His death is the fifth among the five fightfighters caught up in the recent arson blaze in Southern CA. The fire is now contained.  If caught, the arsonist will face five counts of murder.

The other firefighters were Capt. Mark Loutzenhiser, 44, Jess McLean, 27, Jason McKay, 27, and Daniel Hoover-Najera, 20.

iTunes Updated

Apple has released 7.0.2 for both Macs and Windows. iTunes Download Page.

It Is Duckie's Birthday!

Happy Birthday to the Duckie.

It is also Halloween.  Still not sure if I'll give out candy.  I am still awake from yesterday. It is almost 11:30 am.  I put out bins this morning, changed litter box late last evening, talked to neighbor and grandma neighbor.  

I got rid of some scrap wood and unneeded things in garage.  I also got ride of some of the concrete Father never used that turned into giant blocks because of rain.  There are still some, though.  Will try again next week!  

What else? Oh, I patched driveway cracks and even sidewalk crack that I ignored years ago when I fixed driveway before. 

Mother said ignore because it is city's problem. City is lazy and cheap and corrupt so I patched it anyway.  I went to neighbor's side of the wall and fixed a gap.  He will probably not notice.  

I also am painting the street-level numbers on the curb again.  

Kitty is confused about my schedule. So am I!  Got another call asking me to volunteer from campaign.  Not sure I want to do that.  It hasn't been my thing.  I've made and put out signs in the past although I probably won't this year. 

I want to nap but naps are evil.  I should burn these shoes. They smell bad. 

Surprises in Microsoft's Vista License

A must read over at the Register for folks who might want to upgrade to Windows Vista or use virtualization software like Parallels or VMWare.

Is A Moron?

Brother finally emailed to say RL and A are not doing Halloween here this year.  He claims I will get pix but I haven't see air show pix yet either.

SIL is taking kids to school event instead.  I just realized he didn't say *they* were taking, just SIL. Maybe he is working?  Could be!  I am disappointed because I made special grocery walk to get candy.  I called first and had to leave a message!  Grrr.

Now I have candy that I won't be giving out?  Annoying. :/  Grandma neighbor said she tosses out most candy because the grandevils don't need all that sugar so I can give it to them!  Maybe I will keep and pig out when I am depressed!

Whitney is looking better? She recently appeared with Clive Davis at an event, looking healthy for a change (right-hand photo):

Sunday Circuses.

Clocks changed here. There are a few I haven't changed somewhere.  They are laying about teasing me; I can tell!

Before breakfast I was outside.  I fixed lock on grandma neighbor's door. 

Her house has door from garage into house at laundry room.  That lock was not working.  Landry room door has no lock from dining.

There is no lock or motor, not even a slide bold on big outside garage door so anyone could just lift it and walk through right into house!  

The grandevils had left the doors all wide open this morning.  Surprised to see all the open doors and hearing no sounds, I was curious! When she suddenly came out front door, I asked if she knew the others were open. She did not.

She then told me it doesn't lock!  Very scary!  I only had to unscrew lock and put back on.  It is cheap lock so it just got loose with age.  The door isn't even what should be there.  They put a hollow-core interior door there which is bad for insulation and worse for security.  Originally there was a "utility door" but that is long gone.

She said her dryer isn't working much anymore either.  I am not going to try to fix tho.  It could just be the belt but dat is like opening can of worms!  I don't like worms?  They are not good eats. :D

She is not living behind concrete and steel like me and kitty--although kitty went over the wall again last night while I chatted with neighbor! :/ 

Bunker feel is one reason I like being here? It helps soothe the paranoia Father said I have. Am I really paranoid if they really *are* out to get me? :D

Brother emailed?  I had sent drawing from internet.  His email said he and RL liked.  No other msg content. :/  *sigh*

Sleep was meh-ish.  I feel pretty good but am unsure what do to with today?  It is still early enough there might be guests?  Guests never call. They are evil that way.  I should hide in bed with kitty and pretend the world outside does not exist!

Blah

It is Saturday. I woke off and on through the night.  I went to sleep around 3am in case Brother would show.  

There was door bell ringing around 9am.  I ignored.  Kitty looked at me and decided to ignore too.  Later I asked neighbor about it, he said it was carpet cleaner salesman. 

I decided to get up in case Brother came but as hours ran on, I knew he wasn't going to.  I started to get self-annoyed because I could have slept!  

I watered lawn with sprinkler to get soaking.  Did same for flower boxes at street.  

They are not thriving except in one small part!  I switched to easy growing candy apple ice plant because the flower seed did not grown.  Now ice plant is not working well either! That was $35 wasted plus water use. :/  

It isn't as if the ground should be bad because I did fertilize and water and turn!  Crazy.  I would tell Brother to take out about 1 ft deep and buy top soil.  It has annoyed because other plants and grasses are ok but most visible stuff is not! 

Am falling into sullen mood, pining for death (like duckie!). I have barely eaten so I will do food in a moment, it will help mood.  

Neighbor's grandson was at friend's house last evening and was dropped off while I was watering.  It is good that he still visits. Maybe I will listen to lame pre-recording radio show. Bah.

Freaked Out Friday

It is Friday. Supposedly it is 85F (~30C). I did watering of grass and plants, spoke to neighbor who was doing the same. Brother's flight seems a bit delayed to San Diego but he should be in Arizona. That is good, there are thunder storms in GA according to Accuweather lies.

I have been putting joint compound on wall in a kind of Ventian plaster look. I gave up on trying to match new with old looks. This is easier. I have not eaten. I was wanting to shake myself senseless wondering WTF I am doing in moving from house so SIL, et al. can infest it? Yes, I'll have money from it and can move and do whatever but this has been my permanent residence long time! Leaving after 30 years when so much will be destroyed to appease the unappeasable SIL (she is like terrorists and dictators that way :D ) just to find a new place for my lonely, isolated self and kitty is cazy. It isn't like when Mother and I were going to move because we had picked places together, we would have each other and kitty and kitty's fish for company. Here, I have neighbors and it is convenient location too!

Why should SIL get excellent break on property tax? It is not what Mother would want. Just to mention, Mother would have taken tax rate with her to new place within the state. Brother could say, "Meh! You got insurance," but that was not for me to decide. Mother was not going to leave him anything which is not something I have said or will say any time soon. It isn't something I can explain? Mother did think she owed me for 10 years of caregiving and companionship. I told him before I had asked her for the house but obviously that didn't work out (although that was her plan whether we lived here or had moved). I can already feel the regret of encouraging Brother to buy house. I am depricating my own desires for greater good. I have often been own worst enemy. Just look at money I have "spent" on Brother that Duckie, the Kiwi and Muz think I'm crazy for doing? Sure I get that back but...

I wonder if I would prefer a third party get house than either of us. That would be most fair! :(

Mostly I want RL and A to have good home. But SIL will hate? She is chronic complainer and I would be very angry / hurt if she makes nasty comments about house! She already said my replacement of lemon tree with rocks and bark and bushes looked like 'pet semetary'. That was very mean.

Kitty is on my bed enjoying warmth of day. She has gotten petting and last evening she slept on the house side of me (instead of window side or at feet). She was probably chilled. :/

I want to go out for a bit to get cereal and a couple of things.

It is almost midnight now. I did get cereal and antibacterial soap and kitty food. I got soy milk. It is not great? Fortunately it is only a quarter (about 1 liter). There was near-ish fire so there was smoke in the air on walk back. Very annoying to breathe. I should have gotten things to drink. Maybe soon. I mowed lawn again which attracted attention. Grandmaneighbor borrowed vacuum. I finished putting up joint compound so now entire wall is that way. I gave up trying to match old with new and so we will see how much Brother hates if he comes over. In theory he got back but I don't have confirmation he was actually on his flights.

What else? Kitty and I went out a bit tonight, I watered lawn for third time today. It has been warm and dry. I was going to eat dinner when grandmaneighbor returned vacuum. I used it a bit later to get dust from French Door windowpanes and dining window screen. I watched Veronica Mars tonight. Episode was OK but something was missing with it. Not sure what. Duckie is online. Kitty did not get tuna today, she was not in mood.

Big Dude

That's Manny Yarbrough, a sumo wrestler. He's about 6'8" (204cm) and around 708lbs (321kg).

Weird Wednesday

It was a very weird day. I didn't get up until late. I just didn't feel good each time I woke up which seemed all too often.

I have no milk so my Cheerios were dry. I've had tamales again tonight. Kitty is meowing off in the distance. She demanded we go outside, even coming into the bathroom to plead her case! She walked the path around the front lawn eventually deciding to sit quietly. It seemed too chilly but she wasn't in any rush to come inside. I had go out in bare feet so the concrete was starting to ice up my toes. Grandmaneighbor popped outside so I hid back up on the patio. Kitty had hid too! She got lower and tried hiding behind the taller grass. Hillarious! Grandmaneighbor didn't see us and went back inside after moving her trash bin away from the front door.

It is raining in Georgia (where Brother is) according to Accuweather which means it could really be 39C (~100F) in the shade.

Radio was not so good tonight. Getting tired of election topics. Listened to Mix down in Sydney a bit, now it's 11pm and I have them on again awhile. I can't believe there's no Amazon.com for Australia. What kind of country is that?

What else? Mail was early for some reason. I got mostly junk other than notice to Mother than mortgage is autopay again. I was avoiding email until now. Only thing of note was cable bill being ready. Thrilling! She "wants a man with a slow hand" in the Mix song playing.

I had odd dreams. More grocery shopping. And Mother. And house remodel talk. This is great stuff! :/

Made to Suffer

Brain is in self-loathing mode. I could sneak a snack, perhaps yogurt. I'm just very annoyed. I was in a good mood having watched a cute little film called "CAMP" when I made the mistake of asking in an IM, "How goes the battle," an idiom asking how's life / what's up? Well, I got some comment about "casualties" and "ragheads" and that ticked me off.

The duckie just has come online so I will post this and poke at him awhile.

Ugh

I ate too much! Now I feel bloated. I had an entire packet of crackers with my soup tonight.  I told kitty to bite my leg if I do that again. :(

I feel like there is something laying on my chest.  Very annoying.  There is some fog tonight. I went outside with kitty.  Didn't water. There was another lemon tree shoot so I think that makes four that have been removed.

I might watch a film, not sure. Have been thinking about what items I want to keep from the house. Need to decide what items I can depart with and not have silly regrets. :/

Today was 46 months since Father passed.  I feel too bloated to sleep now but might sleep early and not wait for dawn.  I'd like to do a few things before it gets too hot tomorrow.

Lame Day

I went to bed probably at 8am or so. Sleep was not great but passable. It warmed up a bit more than I expected today.  I did a bit of watering and weeding.  

Talked to neighbor.  He was going to invite me over tonight if things went well but he hadn't gotten his wife up yet and yesterday she'd not been up more than 2 hrs.

Brother didn't get to hotel until 1am!  He is on other side of the country for work.  Boss made them miss their connecting flight.

Radio has been lame today. Tedious even.  I spent time viewing some very nice images from the Hubble Space Telescope.

I have been piggy today. I can't seem to type... ugh. I had chocolate and cereal.  I'm not sure what I'll have now but I think I need something.

Political ads have been tormenting.

Oh, Bloody Hell!

An article on Yahoo (from USA Today) says, "Even Oprah Winfrey - maybe the most revered of all Americans..."

If that's even in the same universe with truth, we're doomed.

RIP Jane Wyatt

Actress Jane Wyatt has passed away at 96. She's most memorable to me as Mr. Spock's mom, Amanda, on Star Trek. She was also the wife in "Father Knows Best," a tv series from 1954-1960, for which she won three best actress Emmy Awards.

Ugh

Slept grumpily.  Ignored food until close to 6pm.  We to an open house.  It was a nice place.  Too expensive, I've concluded.  Tried calling Brother but no answer.  No email.

I don't think there was a BBQ at grandmaneighbor's yesterday.  I spent hours working on the worksheet of payouts I've made for the estate. Make my head spin.  I refuse to believe it--crazy expensive?  

What else? Oh, a statement came that contradicts the balance given to me Friday on that account which seemed to have been significantly lower than expected.  I have to call Monday and double-check.

Part of me is leaning towards renting or storing my things and bumming around awhile trying to figure out WTF do to with myself. Ugh.  Maybe I will just try being homeless or a nomad or duckie's poolboy (Duckie: get a pool!).

That house is about a third smaller than this one. Two bedrooms, two bath. There's quite a lot to like about it except the price.  Brother would actually work out better with this house because it's bigger and the property tax rate would be very low (perhaps a 1/6th) while I'd be paying perhaps as much as $4500 (or more) per year.  That tells me it is not a good deal for me. I did, however, get a sense of what I'd like to see in a house for myself and kitty.

I have a slight headache. It's about 10pm. I'm listening to iTunes.

More Outings

One of the cast of Grey's Anatomy (Duckie watches!) has revealed he's gay and hopes that isn't the most interesting thing about him. I don't watch so here's an accompanying photo of T.R. Knight for us non-watchers:

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R.J. Helton, of the first American Idol season, has outed himself in a satellite radio interview.  He had a Christian music album, "Real Life," in 2004 which sold over 20,000 copies. It isn't on iTunes for some reason.

It's a Dry Heat

It's warm today.  I made calls and got the "pay off" numbers for estate accounts.  I'm confused about one.  It seems thousands less than expected.  Weird, really.  I'm pretty sure I hadn't paid that much.

Got a pseudo-invite to the BBQ at grandmaneighbors but I'm not so social and want to get the numbers finished tonight. It'll take awhile.  

OK, that was hours ago. It's now after 6pm. Just read a story that makes my blood boil. Some time back a woman shot herself to kill the baby she was to give birth to that day. The child died. All charges have been dropped including filing a false police report and the gun charge. That's just... beyond the pale.

Kitty is demanding attention. It's hairball gel time. I chatted with neighbor about the house and moving and Brother/SIL. I think I am better off just taking the money and running. At least that's where my head is at tonight.

I need to gather all my receipts and things and see what I spent on the estate so I can include that in what Brother would need to buy me out.  Might have more cereal.

Friday Off To Bad Start?

It is 3:30am, Friday.  I think we're off to a bad start.  I'm unfathomably anxious, mind ill at ease, slight headache.  I just had some ravioli.  I think I should hide in bed and hope for death by earthquake.  I hate this feeling. :(

Thrilling Thursday

So again I didn't sleep well.  I think the cat is hiring aliens to carry me off and drag me around the countryside because that would explain how exhausted and achy I feel when I wake up. Phone rang which dragged me from bed and into some clothes. It was a recording. It's it usually? The cell phone company was offering something or the other.

I watered the plants and mowed the lawn. Soon after, when I'd just put the sprinkler on, grandmaneighbor came over to borrow a rake for the backyard clean up. She's planning to have a BBQ tomorrow and asked if I had any ideas on cleaning a propane grill.  I knew I had some tools around from Father's grilling days and said I'd come over.  I found them and off I was, sprinkler left on.

Grandmaneighbor and I sat awhile. She's diabetic and she needed a rest and to drink her orange juice, feeling like she had low bloodsugar. She said it was around 60 which is not a good number!  It was a nice chat about her health (more than I needed to know, really) and so on.  A lady pastor at her church passed away unexpectedly, something she related when I mentioned Mother's passing had been unexpected.  

I noticed she had a small basket of medications on the table.  It sounds like she knows what she should be doing.  Her cookies are sugar free, she has a doctor, she walks a lot for her health... they tell her she shouldn't be yelling so much though. I told her it all keeps her young. 

Later I found out the grandkids she has have been in her care all their lives. Some she took right from the hospital, another at a month old.  They all belong to her son.  She didn't say what he's doing or why he's not involved.  Her remark was the mom(s) couldn't care for them.  Reading between the lines, he seems to have gotten one or more women pregnant and his mom stepped up so her grandkids didn't end up in foster care. Sad situation. 

Since she's single, I'm trying to imagine this older woman faced with one, two , three, four kids about a year apart in age from the time of infanthood!  She's crazy.  They're older now, in grade school and middle school so it isn't (or shouldn't be) such a problem.  It is no wonder she seems worn down.  As I told her before, she isn't the first grandparent to be raising grand kids and said our neighbor had after his daughter's divorce.  

Although I didn't get into it, my grandmother made sure we had clothes, toys, books, clean laundry, made beds and cooked dinner for the house of us nearly every night until the year she passed away. She was even the one to put me to bed or reading me to sleep.

Anyway, I was there longer than I expected. I did come back to get the propane meter I'd found in the garage while organizing Father's toolcart a bit the other day.  I just couldn't take all the activity as the kids came in from school and then her older grandsons and later he daughter and so forth.  I needed to escape back to my quiet kitty-guarded bunker and to see if I'd flooded the yard yet with my sprinkler!

Tonight around 5pm I napped, not feeling great after I had a small meal.  I got up around 8pm after an odd dream of a stakeout.  Now that I type it I see a relationship to the VMars episode this week.  Interesting.  Got email from Brother asking if I've worked up the numbers yet for him about the estate and what he'd need to borrow.  I realized tonight I have more work to do because when I did it before I delibrately didn't include money I was paying out since I wouldn't borrow money to pay what I'd already paid!  Thus I've made more work for myself.  A bit irritating, really.  Also, since I was at grandmaneighbor's I didn't get to make a couple calls related to the numbers game.  Lastly, I see I paid one balance off in the same amount that was due when Mother passed which seems improbable.  I want to see what payments I'd made and so forth.  The mortgage has come down just a bit even with making the monthly payments.  I have to tack on Mother's tax bill, the property taxes and insurance too. Lots of things. And all the improvements I've made.  It had to be done at some point, I just didn't realize I'd be doing it right now.  Grrr.  I emailed that I'd do it Friday.  I had only said I would do it this week, not what day.

When I think about moving from this house I feel sad and lonely.  While I won't be any fewer in company, there won't be any "ghosts" and memories to keep my self sane and comforted.  Makes me want to vomit, really.  I won't even know my neighbors.  I may not even know the area.  Very sad. :(  I like the status quo.  I'm not sure what "happened" to my getting  time to see if I wanted to buy before the sale and making a 'last pitch' to the SIL if I didn't (before it went on the market).  Now I'm worried I'm getting the short end.  Yes, I'll have cash but I have little desire for that.  And, yes, I'll have the furniture and things but I won't have the house which is what I'd asked Mother for and would've had if we'd finished estate planning. So I'm sad and concerned I'm doing myself a disservice.  I'm confused and feel completely directionless.  I don't know who to talk to. Brother not only has a conflict of interest but he seems totally disinterested in my delimnas.  Very disappointing.  Mother would say, "Why are you surprised?!"  She would also say, "Go! Live! Enjoy! Run from house! Buy new! Do adventures!"  I try to console myself with the notion that the SIL isn't "winning" here, I'm ensuring my nephews and niece have a real home and my Brother is not throwing away his income on rent while the SIL lies around demanding more children, more things, more house, more, more, more!  I fear this will not go well and they'll battle and the SIL will demand they sell and move and it'll all have been wasted.  Makes me want to, yes, vomit!

That is enough blog for this entry. It is Friday now. No idea if duckie will be online. Probably not. I should call or email Vegas. I do want to scream. I would do close to anything to get Mother's advice. :/

Like right after Mother passed, the house has seemed much too quiet at night when I try to sleep. *sigh*

Word of the Day

Today's word is "kakistocracy" - Government by the least qualified or most unprincipled citizens.

Tuesday!

It is almost 3:30pm.  Brother called, I returned call. He came over. We went to bank, manager was not in today. Went to cheap store and I bought things. Lots of soup. It is getting to be soup weather. And cereal. I was out of cereal.

What else? Brother says camera he took to air show is missing? Brother is going to Georgia next week to visit a factory for work.  Is last minute thing. Duckie will hate? I loaned Brother money for trip but it is reimbursed by work.

I did not sleep well. Kitty has been quiet although Brother coming over made her hide.  The lawyer said "meeting" if Brother is going to buy house.  Lawyer is lame?

Sunday Outing

Sunday was air show! Lunch I got a Pepsi (it was a small cup) for $3 and the chicken strips-and-fries. It was good but $7! Brother did not have enough money because SIL didn't put as much in his wallet as he thought. I had money though. This was perhaps the most time I've spent around my niece. She's definitely delayed. She's five chonologically but speaks less well than grandmaneighbor's 2 year old granddaughter. Very sad.

Brother said the school has asked them to send her to school with smaller lunch because she eats so slowly. Even a half sandwich takes her an hour! She didn't eat half of her lunch so we took it back to the van. I half-said she could have it for dinner. I guess Brother has made a rule that if she doesn't finish her school lunch she has to finish it for dinner. It is OK idea.

Niece road in stroller two and from parking and part of time for air show. She got to put on helmet and flack vest, crawl on tank and visit different helos and fixed wings. We visited a mobile aircraft control tower like used in Iraq. I was most interested in the Osprey, a new aircraft intended to replace helos for the Marines. It has tilt wings and propellers so it can land and take off like a helo and fly light a prop plane. It's been under development for about 20 years. It's been a difficult vehicle to make work but they 'think' they got the bugs finally ironed out. While the main demonstration event was happening I took a walk and found they had an Osprey on the ground for people to tour. There was no line, so I sat in it for a bit. I was surprised it wasn't painted a flat grey so common for other military aircraft but had a two tone blue-grey metallic flake appearance. It is nice looking? I would buy one? They cost too much though (~$40m).

Monday Malaise

Kitty is in here. I think it's time for her hairball gel. We went out earlier a bit. OK, she came outside but I didn't let her out specifically.  I was taking a walk before dinner and as usually forgot to close the security door.  She was being good and chewing grasses.
I didn't get far before grandmaneighbor came out on the balconey to talk to me although she was on the phone.  She had me look at the hole(!) in her garage ceiling.  The owner's husband had come and said it was not major problem.  The hole is about the size of your average office wall clock.  Water is leaking onto the floor below.  Anyway, grandmaneighbor is going to an apartment complex tomorrow for a tennent interview.  I wonder what will move in if she moves?  Disturbing thought! 

I had food, doorbell rang. It was a grandchild wanting me to buy magazines or cookie dough for school fund raising.  Another had wanted $3 earlier.  I don't have $3?  I would need change.

It's that time... early voting has begun!

Another Messenger Update.

There's another update to MSN Messenger for Mac OS X. Second time this month! No idea what changes.

The download page

Saturday Showers?

There was rain today. Did not do airshow with niece and nephew and Brother.  Went to park and walked around this afternoon when rain stopped. Came back and Brother arrived unexpectedly.

He was stressed and needed to get away from children?  Someone had caused flooding in the kids bathroom, even out to the hall carpet and his steam cleaner stopped working. He came to borrow mine. He said SIL wondered if they could move in before Christmas?  I'm not shocked but that is a bit annoying.  She is waiting for lawyer to call back with how much is needed to borrow.  I gave him figures I put together in July when I was considering.  It was a little less than he thought. I said I would get current figures because I expect the lawyer doesn't know and will guess.

SIL saw picture and said my plants and rock area looks like a pet cemetary. :( *sigh*

Kitty hid while Brother was here.

I had pain in my right calf; it is still sore a bit.  I think kitty stabbed me in the night?  I felt bad earlier and took a Tylenol for aching.  I probably had been up too long, definitely over 24 hrs, and body rebelled.  I had strange dream again. There was shopping!  Will try to remember more. Might have been people from my past in dream?  I'm not feeling great, neck is aching.

Am supposed to do the airshow tomorrow if not raining. 

OMG! Friday 13th!

No one warmed me it would be Friday the 13th! Fun. :P

I have been trying to figure out what caused the stomach pains. I thought it was the milk but I'm not sure. I had salad and cereal with no milk and seemed OK today. I just had cereal with milk and we'll see how that goes.

I changed the litter box and neighbor came out to see what the light was on for. We chatted a bit. There is supposed to be rain Fri. evening, rain Saturday would ruin airshow trip.  That's ok?

It's Only Thursday?

My brain feels like it's sitting on the desk and not in my head. :(

I had a v v weird dream.  Mother was giving me meds?  And she gave too many meds?  But I couldn't figure out which meds to take?  Bottle had info for both kind saying to take only one of the candy-tasting type and more of the others?  I had yelling match with Mother and Brother, maybe Father too in dream about meds? No, wait. Father was napping on the lounge floor?  Mother also had made tiny pancakes with nice crispy edges like I liked and put them in with meds?  In dream I tried to look meds up online but there were no pix?  Tried to look in Mother's pill reference but it had come apart and pieces were missing?  Tried to get help from a pharmacist but they gave me different meds that looked like the cat's food and not like other meds in dream?  Like I said... v v weird dream.

Was v miserable last night.  Guts felt like they were being turned inside out. :/ Ugh.  I wanted to weep.

Phone woke me up this morning. It was POLITICAL call.  Mayor saying I should vote YES on B & C.  I haven't seen B & C yet.  I dragged body from bed and went to see grandmaneighbor but there was no answer. I think doorbell is hard to hear. I could hear TV.  I came back and fooded on pancakes. I did not eat sausages. Pork is unclean. :/  I went back over to see grandmaneighbor and knocked, this time she heard and answered.

A friend of hers hired a plumber to fix things yesterday so my trip to the home improvement last evening was a bit wasted except it meant I did groceries too and so that was good. Sink is fixed doing what I suspected had to be done: a new garbage disposal was put in. Plumber put a scew and gasket on old handle. It's a bit loose which is silly but that's done and it works now. She had a grand daughter there, 2 years old. Very assertive and talkative, not at all like my niece at that age.  Anyway, grandmaneighbor talked my ear off for an hour (more on that later). Now I am home. Tired and going to have salad. Clouds are parting a bit. Could have rain tomorrow. Maybe no airshow for me and the nepheices? :/

Oh, I forgot there was second phone call. I ignored phone because I didn't recognize the number. It was business call and they left message. I returned the call, they were just confirming address to send check to me. 

Kitty is in the window!  Brother of what duckie called "hot neighbor" (guy in military) gave me an odd look as I was leaving grandmaneighbor's. He was a bit scruffy and I think he had a death stick in his left hand. It was too short to be a pen. He is thin and attractive! Why would someone like that take up smoking? Uh oh, stomach is getting violent with me!! PAIN!! :/

Tuesday Blahs...

It is just past midnight. Dat makes it Tuesday.

More ladder demands tonight. 9:30pm! Craziness. Must find out what's going on from grandma neighbor. This is too much. I'm a bit bored and tired right now.

I still have to catch up with House of Carters but I did watch Desperate Housewives. Andrew (Shawn Pyfrom) was back. Really he didn't have much to do and they didn't really "sell" his having been on the streets for seven months. There was a funny line where Gabby has been stuffed in a suitcase and left in an elevator. She climbs out to the surprise of a couple who'd gotten on the life and says, "Don't laugh, saved a bundle on airfare," as she gets off at the floor.

I could watch a film maybe? Or sleep. Sleep would get me in trouble with duckie because I said I'd be online. *sigh*

I slept. I guess duckie didn't come online. I woke up before 7am, hid for awhile. By 8am I took Father's air compressor to the neighbor so he could inflate his tires more. Then I came back to hide. I was very sore and tired. Mother and I had grocery shopping in dream. She was asking if I had a certain kind of salad dressing. I said you know I don't, since I shop only for basics. There was nice salad package in dream with dressing and romaine. Not the first groceries with Mother dream (she passed away about 7 months ago).

I fooded but feel hungry. I was outside and chatted with two neighbors a bit. Seems grandpests are bugging many and even let another neighbor's dog out. I will add this to grandma neighbor talking points. She asked me to tell her if they start to bug the neighbors.

I wish I didn't feel so tired. I feel like I was left out in the sun all day to dry out! I am not doing bank today but might do small shopping tonight if neighbor doesn't invite me over.

It's Monday!

Monday is here. It is "Columbus Day" which is barely a public holiday. In sad news, the bee I tried to save from a tangled web yesterday has passed on. :/

The bee of unknown age has been buried in the flower box after a brief viewing.

I didn't sleep worth anything last night, too much tossing and turning. It's fairly cloudy today. I am having chili for 'breakfast'.

"No birthday songs to sing again..."

I back at a state where the thought of checking email makes me cringe. I hate that. Kitty is up and about today. She was sunning herself in the window a little while ago.

I've been trying to do blogging from a widget but it's ability to post is flaky and worse, entries must be short or text starts falling below the screen. Maybe I will seek out another widget.

It is after 5pm. I watered lawn with sprinkler. Talked to neighbor while he was watering. I feel very, very tired. It's annoying. And I think there is headache brewing! Make it go away? No mail today because of holiday.

Not sure what food I'll do next.

Foggy In The Brain...

I had weird sleep. Very very weird.  There was class picture time in dream?  Too crowded.  I did wait with blanket wrapped around me like a mummy tho.  I guess it was a uni dream?

I tried to save a bee but think I failed. :(  It was caught in an abandoned web in flowerbox. I freed it but now it is just laying there?  Maybe it is resting!  It was very tangled!  I had to free pairs of legs and one wing.  Pray for the bee!  Other bees did not come to its aide!  They are heartless. :(  I heard excessive buzzing so I investigated.

I think guest spider has relocated to side of the house!  If it isn't guest, I will smack it with the broom.  It can go haunt neighbor!

Hugh news! Nude Hugh? Brother emailed that SIL wants them to buy this house? I am on the floor in shock? That is good, tho. Good for the kiddies.

Brain is foggy. Feeling very tired. Meds were a bit off and sleep as disruptive. Took me hours to doze off. Was sleepy until I got into bed! Then suddenly awake again. Ugh. :(

Fed fish. Kitty is in her bedroom chair. Watered grasses which are trying to turn brown on me! Evil? :/  Might be going dormant for winter?

Having cereal. Already had raviolis.  Will need to do fooding again.  Might nap.

There are worms in the gutter. And grapes. People are slobs!  There were more than 10 rubberbands laying around from postal workers! Lazy litterers! 

I'm not sure screw needed for grandma neighbor's shower repair is a standard size? That annoys me. :/

Might blog later. Depends on how I feel.

Meh.

No Brother today. He volunteered for overtime instead. Another ladder run to grandma neighbors. Didn't get to home improvement. Maybe I'll walk over Sunday if I'm in the mood. I do have a few things to return.

Having a quiet day with the kitty. She's here on the floor behind me. Paid the property tax. Now I'll do some online bill paying for myself and decide what to do with my evening. It's only 7pm! Grrr. Well, I do have another foreign film to watch. Or something. Listened to the gubernatorial debate with one ear while eating. I had "boneless beef" and potatoes and peas/corn/carrots. Back to the debate, Arnold had some good lines. The "conversational" format was total crap. Angelides rambled. Arnold didn't want to interrupt. The moderator guy was beyond useless.

Folks who are ahead in the polls generally only have to avoid mistakes in debates. I think Arnold did that.

I watched the seemingly very long "C.R.A.Z.Y" (French-Canadian film) last evening. It's only 2 hrs but felt long. Length may have been enhanced by reading subtitles. That could be the longest subtitled film I've watched, at least recently. Some of the bits could've been axed to tighten it up to be more Hollywood. It's a good bit of filmmaking overall. Being set in the 70's is a bit of a hoot. I could have done without two or three (or more) scenes of the father singing.

No Media Bias?

Saturday there's a debate between CA Governor Arnold Schwartzenegger (Republican) and challenger Phil Angelides (Democrat). The moderator, Stan Statham, according to the L.A. Times is "a former Republican assemblyman."

Holy crap! That's a benefit to Arnold!

Or is it? He "said he changed his registration" to Independent/Decline-to-state twelve years ago. Notice they write he "said" that, not that they checked or that it was a fact.

Public records of campaign donations he made (found at OpenSecrets.org and FollowtheMoney.org) show Jack O'Connell (Democrat), Gina Papan (Democrat) and Xavier Becerra (Democrat). I didn't find any Republican donations for him.

If you don't know that public information about the moderator you'd assume from the language used by the L.A. Times that Arnold might have a partisan advantage with this moderator. This should be fundamental journalism. Instead, bloggers have to check up on this to see if there's something the Free Press isn't telling. Who will see or hear what most of the bloggers do compared to the numbers of articles sourced from a major newspaper like the L.A. Times or newswire like the AP and Reuters and repeated in local papers, news broadcasts and news breaks?

The embattled L.A. Times seems to hate Arnold. They did the infamous groping story just before the recall election that brought him to power. Just last month they used information given to them by the Angelides campaign to try to embarrass Arnold for calling a Latina (Republican) legislator "hot-blooded" in a private meeting. Reacting, she claimed to call herself that too.

The obtaining of that recording is being investigated for criminal activity since it was on a password-protected server location. The L.A. Times did not admit it was sourced from the challenger's campaign until they had been caught.

Quotes above from this L.A. Times article.

Quiet Friday

I stayed up until mid-morning, then took a nap. Wasn't a great nap. Then I heard grandma neighbor yelling across the street so I knew she was home. I took some screws over and tried again to fix the shower. Didn't do it. I also had a template and calipers and told her tomorrow I'll go to the home improvement to get the right size. I think I'll want a metric sized screw since it's been said the plumbing in these homes was from Italy.

Giving that up, I came back and cooked food. Had some chicken fingers. This evening I had tamales. Maybe I'll do cereal later on. I gave food to kitty but forgot to giver her a fresh bowl. She got water too. I returned the non-usable screws to the neighbor with a note of thanks. This afternoon I've been listening to streaming radio. Hasn't been great, certainly. Mail came but it was all junk.

A grandson came to the door while I was in the kitchen and he asked to "see a ladder." Apparently grandma was out and he needed his football gear from her room. I dragged the ladder across the street and set it up. He went up the ladder and miraculously the balcony door was closed but not locked. I got a thumbs up and took my ladder home. Fun! Oh, I forgot, I met grandma neighbor's 3 yr old great granddaughter when I was working on the shower.

The "MacAddict" magazine is going to change and become "Mac|Life." Boo-hiss. It'll be missed. Bastards.

Martians Have Landed

There was new Veronica Mars. Season has premiered. She has started college. I can't say much because Duckie is obsessed with VMars and would hate spoilers. The diner shown in the credits is right outside the studio gate where they film VMars. I haven't been there. Could be fun.

I mowed lawn, watered kitty's plants and grass. Mail today was some ads, a big envelope and copy of the New Yorker for another street, a notice to Mother her credit protection was changing on a charge card. I called the later and cancelled. They are stupid to still tell her she is alive after they paid on account benefit! Duh! I had tamales and raviolis and dry cereal and a few saltines today. I want something else. There is more raviolis. That would be quick!

I had stayed up until 9am. Took short nap. Feeling a little sleepy now at 4am. Talked to neighbor a bit tonight.

5ive Return.

UK Boyband 5ive/Five has reunited (WorldofFive.com) without member Sean Conlon. He's trying his hand at a solo career. His MySpace page is here with two streaming tracks. His voice is rough. It reminds me of Woodstock singer Joe Cocker (Wikipedia) who some might only know from the opening theme song of "The Wonder Years" TV show. (IMDB.com)

Ugh. Make The Week End!

I had bizarre dream. There were lots of bugs in the dream. There was even a giant ant, about the size of a grown man's hand? It was evil. There were three cobras too? Very odd. It wasn't a nightmare; it was just odd, even silly. It was probably because the spider has abandoned me and kitty for somewhere else. It will be missed. A second giant spider annoyed me because it was on the porch close to the house. I don't see it around today. I smacked it over the wall with a broom last night. If it survived, it's the neighbor's problem. :P

Today I got up and think I had cereal. I checked to see if grandma neighbor was home but there was no answer. Stealing myself for hell, I saw there was some email. One from Brother. Nothing from the lawyer. I made a call; had to leave a voice mail. Got call back though. I then walked to post office. It was crowded! Guy ahead of me was sending a person-sized box to Italy. I bought one stamp and did some express mailing.

I left and didn't even feel tempted by fast food. It was getting warm and was after 3pm. I saw Lexus-driving neighbor on my way back and waved. I think I might've seen his school-age cousin on the walk to the post office. Not sure. If it was, he isn't as tall as I thought. I reordered meds. I have enough through the weekend. I swear I just did a refill. I think kitty is selling them on the street.

I have a headache; I think my eyes ache. Could be my tinted glasses? Or maybe stress. Or not eating much? Or from backpack last night? There was more Brother email. One was funny! I forwarded it to a few people. Kitty had been hiding but is in my room now. I gave her hair ball gel. Today's mail was just a solicitation for donation to "friends of..." Pff.

It's almost 7pm. I have a second bowl of pasta and some diet coke. Might watch something tonight; Duckie will be out since it's Thurs Down Under. I might have a movie I can watch. Kitty didn't seem to be eating much but she did eat twice today and was in the window sunning herself so I guess she was just being weird. Got chilly fast tonight.

I should be able to vote next week if my ballot comes in the mail. Can't wait to get that out of the way. I'll vote to reelect the Governator. I guess it'll be my last election at this address unless I win the lotto. HAHA.

Life Is Hell

There was a collection of comic strips by Simpson's creator back in the 1980's called "Life is Hell" (among other "...is Hell" titles). I wish I had that to read. Something to find sympathy within.

Brother called around half-passed midnight. I was gnawing dry cereal. He bitched about lawyer and email. Then hung up so he could go home after close up shop. Then copy of his email from lawyer came. I was dumb enough to look. Better tonight than the morning, right? Get the pain with now! Early!

I feel like I was dragged behind an old car. Maybe an Oldsmobile. White. Missing some hubcaps.

Rough Patch For 'Murphy Brown'

Candice Bergen, former star of TV's "Murphy Brown" sitcom had a stroke at the end of September. Now it seems her mother has passed away after a long illness. Noticing the list of survivors, and checking IMDB, I hadn't realized Candice's late husband, Louis Malle, had filmed Au revoir, les enfants. As an adolescent that was one of my favorite French-language films. I saw it when it ran on the Bravo network before they became the de facto gay network on basic cable.

Lost? Let The Moon Be Your Guide!

So I was out talking to the neighbor and a small guy came down the street. He was trying to walk home. But he was going the wrong way. His English seemed pretty good but his comprehension turned out to be a little less than that. He misunderstood and continued north instead of turning and following the cross street. The neighbor caught his attention and he came back to the corner where we'd gone. We then explained he'd gone passed the street he needed to take: the street we were standing at. Between us we got it across. I think. I hope so. Anyway, we sent him in the right direction on the right street. If he'd continued on he'd have been lost for who knows how long. He knows a couple of the major streets in the community which is what he'd initially asked us about. Neither was particularly near nor easy to communicate to him how to get there.

Now that I'm back in here writing the fog is lifting a bit and my 15-year rusty Spanish is coming back a bit. Could I remember it a half hour ago? Not really. I'll blame the meds I took before going outside and not having eaten a lot today. :P Just an excuse? Well consider for example when I was going out to fetch water at the store for the kitty, I couldn't find my watch having just seen it on my desk before standing up. Well, the watch was on my wrist! And I'd also forgotten my keys the first time out, as well as not closing the side garage door. At that point I hadn't eaten at all. I'm doing better now. Honest. I could probably even think of my name if pressed! :D

I'm interested in how my neighbor adjusted his middle-America English to match the sounds pattern a Spanish speaker using English might use. Must have been something he picked up on the border patrol. Four years I learned Spanish and my neighbor had been a border patrol officer years ago and between us we might have come up with just enough Spanish to get arrested. ;)

Will there be duckies online tonight? I have no idea. No emails from brother, nor a call. I'm not sure that bodes well. I'm paranoid. At least that's what father used to say of me.

Help Improve My Mood!

I want to vomit. I haven't eat though. Ugh. Kitty went over the wall a second time last night. Don't know why. She came back upon demand. Neighbor wasn't outside last night.

I changed the shower head for grandma neighbor but the kit was for lots more things! She needs a new screw for the handle. The kit had a new regulator that goes in the wall where the pipes attach and I just wasn't going to do that. I got different screws from the garage but that didn't seem to solve the problem. Need different size.

Brother said there was call about his loan and concern the house isn't listed yet. There was lawyer message too I guess. We talked a bit on phone last night, he emailed lawyer. Lawyer emailed back. She says I have "quirks" and she things estate is "spiraling out of control" and other things. She admits estate debts are being paid though. I'm not pleased with lawyer. She is throwing more bombs in to cause distress and aggravation. I hate that kind of behavior from a supposed professional. In her email, where brother said he would pay off the money he borrowed against estate (I said I would pay for him), she said she didn't even know what company had called her! This is just sad.

I was going to go to get food but had forgotten keys and say I had forgotten to close side garage door and then, like an idiot, checked email. Now the lawyer email has me all upset and in knots. I'm not going out again I think. I will have food and try to think happy thoughts.

OMG Kitty Goes Over The Wall!

She ran away. :/ I came in to check on food and went back out and she was not to be found. I thought maybe she had come back in but there was no kitty inside.

I got flashlight and began checking outside the walls. I went to neighbors yard and there was kitty! She was hiding in the bushes.

She walked sheepishly behind the bushes back towards the wall and meowed. She went over the wall back to our yard. I told her to stay there and I came back around. She gnawed more grasses and then jumped back on to patio and went into the house. That was evil and distressing. :(

Grandma neighbor had borrowed vacuum this afternoon. But not really. Grandchild came to borrow for her and she didn't know! She needed one because while she was out one of the grand-demons broke her end table glass top! She carried vacuum back over! Then chatted a bit, asked me to come over tomorrow to put in new shower head. I guess kitchen sink is still a problem. I wish I had more good insights on it.

I still haven't gotten groceries. I have one bottle of water. I will give that to kitty. I can torment myself with gross tap water I guess. Or maybe I'll order delivery. Airshow is coming up in two weekends. I have asked Brother is he wants to take the kiddies. I am still shaked up about kitty's misbehavior. For months she has been very good at staying inside the walls. Now I have to watch her! That is stressful. *sigh*

I had food. Frozen chicken nuggets and fries.

I picked the tuna on saltines with butter for 'last meal' because I used to sit at kitchen counter as a kiddie and would have tuna that way with grandmother. It was a very neat assembly line. Mother always thought it was gross until I got her to try it one time. She was surprised that it was good! Reminded her of fresh caught sea basses. Sea bass was Mother's favorite from childhood. Her dad would catch them for her. One thing we'd planned was to do a sea fishing trip with RL, A, Brother and the SIL. Brother hates fishing but thought that would be fun. That is now another dead trip. Like Italy trip. And Phoenix trip. And trip back to Vegas. And... other things. *ugh*

I hate idea of doing travel alone because then I have no one to come back and share trip with? Kitty won't care unless I bring treats if she is even still talking to me if I leave her behind? Oh well.

It's Monday. Why? Oh Why?

It's 4am Monday and for some reason I'm not more thrilled by that. Maybe I should be. I watched a subtitled German film this evening called "Sommersturm." I thought it was cute and uplifting. It isn't bad; there wasn't anything in particular I thought needed to be cut or places where I wished I was cleaning my fingernails instead. The subtitles might have been a tiny bit better quality but it's a gay-themed film which means it probably had no meaningful budget for its English subtitles. Trailer here.

Trolling through IMDB, I saw a comment that a gay cable network had cut another film called "Twist" when it was broadcast. It's a modernized take on "Oliver Twist" with Nick Stahl as a hustler. He did it the same year as "T3: Rise of the Machines." It's cable! For homosexuals! What on early is the point of cutting material from a film there? It just sounds silly to me but I haven't seen "Twist" and don't know what runs on that network.

What else is new? Not too much. I'll probably turn in shortly. I'm starting to get another headache. They're becoming more routine, obnoxiously so. I've been meaning to blog about other "important" things but the right frame of mind just hasn't hit me to go about it. There's only so much seriousness and soul-searching one can do without wanting to just run naked headlong into rush hour traffic. I'm sure you understand.

Saturday Stuff

I got a few things worked on Saturday. I did a bit of sanding after hanging plastic but quit to preserve my lungs. I need to dig out a mask and maybe reconfigure the plastic. I put up some more joint compound above the French Doors. I rotates my matress and put new linens on. The cat didn't seem impressed though. I thought she'd love a fresh blanket to shed upon. Guess it's getting harder to impress her.

What else? I watered. I looked in to see if neighbor had returned early in the afternoon. He had an apt. to get new car tires at 10am but I hadn't heard any activity over there and couldn't see if his door was open. I just wanted to make sure his wife wasn't still alone. He was back though, and as he'd guessed his grandson was over again this weekend. That boy is impossibly thin; I just have to shake my head in disbelief. I might be that thin one day as an emaciated corpse!

What else? The spider is still hanging out. I pulled more weeds. I didn't do grocery nor did I order a delivery. I turned in a bit early, maybe between 8-9pm? It's 3am now. Will probably lie down again. Oh, I shipped off RL's (late) birthday gift. I decided since it's a whole new month there's no point in any further delay and who knows when (or if) there will be a birthday gathering for him. It was cheaper to send it "first class" than priority or express even though I ended up wasting five stamps. I could've probably gone cheaper claiming 'media mail' or something (which it was) but who cares, it's sent! That reminds me, I think the mail carrier said he's off this week. Not sure I'd notice. Saturday all I got was a political ad! It's kind of sad in a pathetic sense, really. Friday I did get a postcard (really!) from Vegas. He'd been off visiting his bf's parents out of state.

I'm a bit concerned about a couple recent dreams due to their health-focus (not my health, though). My latest dream was amusing in a sense. There was a lot of change to count in order to head off a take over. It also seemed to tie in with the old drama series Hart to Hart.

Well I'm bored with this entry and there are no duckies in sight so I guess it's back to bed.

Locksmith to the Stars?

Ok, not exactly the stars but I swapped the locks out for grandma neighbor. Now she has a key and working lock for her bedroom. Maybe the grandkids will stay off the roof? Ha!

The house didn't look any better in daylight. I came back here and fetched another screw because that old door knob set only had three screws, another had become stripped out. In fact the door jamb looked as if someone had tried to break in. Since I know this had been a drug house at one point I guess I can't be surprised. The jamb and door both need replacing, really. There's a foot hole in the back of the door.

I think at some point she may have had money to spend on herself, perhaps before she ended up caretaker for a brood of grandkids. Her bedroom set is nice, not truly high end, but very complete with two side tables, bed, dresser and matching mirror. I'm almost certain where it came from. Between that and the dining table downstairs... She did say there were other matching pieces in the kids rooms. Anyway, it's a bit sad as a circumstance. The grandkids clearly know they can get away with some stuff because there's so many of them.

I got my power cord spool from when the lawn mower was borrowed and the extension cord severed. It was a half day at school and she asked the one who'd already come home if she'd seen anything like that around. The kid knew exactly where it was and brought it to us. I was glad they still had it, I wasn't going to press the issue but figured what the hell, right, maybe it's around? I still swear it was green, not orange but my memory is fuzzy. I've got two or three, maybe four and I thought one was green and it was the green one that had. My memory isn't a 1/100th what it once was. I used to have a near photographic memory. Now if I can remember what I did in the past hour I'm doing well. :P

I napped this afternoon a bit when I got done with the lock change, made tuna this evening (the cat got some too). Now it's just after midnight, I chatted a bit with the neighbor as the fog rolled in. Not much new going on with him but he seemed a little more cheerful to chat than other days.

I'm concerned about one of my jasmine plants. The leaves are turning on me. Since this is just about right where the lemon tree had been I wonder if there's a problem with the soil. I also pulled a would-be lemon tree shoot tonight. That's the second one in two weeks.

I think I'd like tuna on buttered saltines to be my "last meal." My left ear hurts. *sigh* :/

Theatre of the Bizarre?

Ok, maybe not quite but I had a bad neck pain when I woke so I didn't do much today. I did take a few Tylenol and eventually the neck eased off. Some stretches and a walk didn't really help. There was a time today my eyes were aching too. Great, eh? This afternoon I sat outside with the neighbor awhile while he had his sprinkler running. A little before that I'd been stopped by one of the grandkids asking if they could earn money for their school.

Late in the afternoon one of them came to the door and rang the bell. I didn't see what they wanted. Later, the same one came back! That time I did answer the door. Well it seems another of the grandkids had locked grandma's door and while she'd been out of town for her aunt's funeral the key was broken. Thus, no way to get into her bedroom. Fun, fun. So I got my shoes and a screw driver or three.

Well, I couldn't get the door open from inside the house. I thought maybe I could and although she was all for me breaking the knob I just wasn't ready to go that far. It wasn't as if there was a fire or an infant trapped in the bedroom. Plan B. As in burgle. I fetched my ladder, up on the roof, over the balcony. Ridiculous, let me tell you. Anyway, a little strength and luck and the sliding door opened up. Her grandson was up there with me and was surprised how fast it opened. Well, honestly, so was I but quite grateful because I was about out of ideas after that other than 'call a locksmith'. Well, almost out of ideas. I'll keep my other ideas in my bag of tricks just in case.

Anyway, I was glad and told her I might have another keyed lock but would have to look. On my way out she asked if the front porch light might work if a fresh bulb was put in. I didn't see why not. Now let me say that they have basically nothing. They didn't have a flashlight that I could use. It's depressing, even a bit scary. That house is in poor shape. It was a bit heartbreaking. I'd been there a few times as a kid and seeing how it'd fallen on hard times passing through different owners, a myriad of renters and even some time as a drug house was disturbing. I fetched a light bulb that I had laying about and put it in. I did find the locking door knob that Father had on his office but we're removed after his stroke. I found the key as well so I'll take that over tomorrow and install it.

It's about 11pm now. I'm fooding. The kitty was just in for a petting. I guess it's just as well I didn't go to the grocery this evening or I wouldn't have been around for my little adventure. I wish my stomach would stop battling me. It's been annoying me since I had a can of chili the other day. I'm also down to just spring water to drink.

I see Elton John commented on Clay (and some other things). He said he doesn't care if Clay's gay or not because it isn't any of his business. It seems maybe Clay didn't quite best Timberlake after all. But Soundscan says the data might not reliable because an unidentified retailer was unable to provide sales figures and so they estimated. Read more here. They estimate Clay sold 205,000 copies, a third of his debut album's first week and slightly less than his holiday album's debut week.

Aiken smacks down Timberlake?

Ok, maybe not quite but I've seen hints online that sales figures put Clay Aiken at a #1 debut, pushing Timberlake out after just one week. Since I haven't liked Missuh JT for ages and was a devoted Aiken fan during Idol, I giggle at the prospect. Unfortunately I don't think much of Clay's new cd so it's a bit of a hollow victory.

Funny!

Aaron Carter has called off his engagement. Yes, another round of publicity for E! network's "House of Carters" reality show.

Ugh. Nephew at ER!

There was no guest today. Infant nephew is at ER? Brother suspects bronchitis? Other nephieces are sick too. No b-day thing being held.

*sigh*

What else? Hmm... I napped today, trying to get self back into a good rythmn. Not sure it's working. Kitty lounged on bed with me for awhile. She is good kitty!

I sort of watered the lawn, not in the mood. I am out of ice cube bags and don't quite remember where Mother and I got them. There is skinny buzzed cut guy across street sitting on the power box. He is leaving now. Is on a skateboard. He sat hunched over a bit and pulled his two shirts up. People don't usually do that here? It sounds like bad erotica!

Kitty is hacking now. :/ I have food. Meatballs and pasta again. It is 4:30pm and I am just now having first meal of the day.

What else... I battled computer virus the other night. Very annoying. Got fun error message, "File was not repaired because a strange yet unknown error has occurred (32767)." Great stuff! Anyway, it seems vanquished with only time and sanity lost.

On Friday got a statement from stupid estate debt-holder. They are saying payment due in mid-October? Other statements had not come for months. No idea why. These are same idiots who told lies about amount on payments due causing estate to actually get behind in payments! Now it is caught up. Not sure why payment not due until mid-October because auto-pay is pre-scheduled for end of September? Very stupid.

I tried calling for clarification but waited on hold too long. There was no music, just a perky female voice that kept telling lies: "We apologize for the delay. We try to give each customer as much individualized attention as possible. Please stay on the line and the next available specialist will be with you shortly."

Kitty is meowing for attention. Ok, I let her outside. She is getting grasses. I feel OK I guess but am feeling dried out?

It is after 9pm. Let's see... nephew is "ok", has bronchitis and got breathing treatment and meds. Neighbor came over for a few minutes in the late afternoon. I guess he came over while I was napping but saw the door was closed. His grandson is over again this weekend. I guess he is coming over Saturdays and staying, then leaving Sundays? It's an odd thing and must burn a lot of petrol! But... whatever. It's good for neighbor to see someone else even if there's more work involved! Kitty has been outside again. She finally barfed so I guess that is good?

I thought about getting milk but decided not too. Maybe tomorrow. Evening has turned chilly! I am feeling bored but my neck aches a bit. Very annoying.

I see Aaron Carter proposed to his "girlfriend." She is a former Playboy Playmate as well as an ex-gf of his older brother Nick (so I read). Will it happen or is this to generate publicity for the upcoming "House of Carters" reality show? How pathetic is it that I know that show is coming? Well, maybe less pathetic than it seems since Yahoo had a headline with photo. She's not bad looking; some photos make her look facially a bit like Paula Abdul I think. She seemed to shave everywhere for her photos. Don't know what Aaron does, sorry Duckie. :D

Warm Today

It is warm today. I stayed up well into the early morning, past 7am, talking online. I was a bit of a prick last night, off meds schedule and then suffering much obsessive yearning talk about unrequited interest. Ugh. I've been that chatty about someone like one time, a thousand yahren ago. But at least I wasn't looking for something that can't be found. Cripes. Get a hobby, please! :P

What else? I mowed grass. Watered too. Kitty demanded we go outside early this morning. She was being weird? But so was I? :D

I have had four or five bowls of cereal in the past 24 hrs? That is too much. :/ I get hungry and say, "OMG, don't eat piggy food!" So I have cereal instead. And then I get hungry again because it wasn't filling? I feel a little bloated right now. I have piggy food right now though: meatballs and pasta! Mail was lame. Advertisements. It is almost 4pm. Blog outage is coming in 5 minutes. *sigh*

I was a Chevy Corvette, what sportscar are you?

RIP Denis Fedorov

Anthony Fedorov's brother passed away this week.

Contestant Anthony performing on American Idol 4:

There is Blog!

Amazing, ain't it? Let's see what was today about? I missed meds this morning because I went to bed early. I took meds late and that screwed me up today. I had nap this afternoon and evil neighbor child rang doorbell. I thought maybe it was neighbor but it wasn't. Neighbor child claimed its school needed money and wanted to do something. How stupid do I look? Then child asked to borrow lawn mower. Of course, because that worked out so well when the cord was sliced in half, I haven't been reimbursed and the cord keeper is being held hostage still. So... um... no. I guess child asked neighbor about cutting his grass to make money for school. It's a gov't fucking school! Anyway... it's just pathetic. And annoying. They've been playing football in the street and taunting cars because, you know, the road is there for them to use as a practice field not autos! Gah!

Was at bank today. I deposited money into estate account. It went quickly. Took 45 minutes to pay the mortgage last week because the teller was inept and couldn't remember what to do. Amazing. Well, I just know to avoid her in the future is possible. I was hoping to close Mother's old account but I have to see the manager to do that. Meh. There is no rush.

I've been listening to Clay Aiken's new album. It's awful. It's like one of those cheap "hack singer sings the songs of BIG STAR" CDs. The production is uninspired, the vocals bland, the arrangements are dreary. The first time I tried listening I feel asleep. The second time I almost did! I tried a few more times before I actually make it through. It helped when I changed the song order and went from 14 to 1. He doesn't even make full use of his vocal range. The album is a horrendous effort considering the three year gap from his debut CD. I think RCA hate Clay or simply have no clue what to do with him. 3/10.

Elton John's CD, "The Captain and the Kid" is excellent. It's not the Disney-musical style but really truly calls back to albums of decade's past. The lyrics are creative which is something that's been a lacking with recent Taupin penned efforts with Elton. The production is pretty good but I think on the vocal it's a bit overdone on "Just Like Noah's Ark." I do wish Elton's voice wasn't quite so rough but he's 60 and had at least one vocal cord surgery back in the 80's... you can't expect too much. However, some of that roughness could have been dealt with with production tricks. 9/10.

The spider is still here doing its thing.

The Captain and the Kid

Billboard.com has a review posted: For all the hype that John's "Peachtree Road" was a return to his organic roots (it wasn't), if only the label had waited until now. "The Captain and the Kid" could have been recorded 25 years ago, during El and songwriting partner Bernie Taupin's golden days. Thanks to organic, piano-driven production, stellar storytelling and Sir's rededication to his vocal craft, this is a triumph. The concept album that serves as a bookend to 1975's "Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboy" is packed with new classics. First single "The Bridge" (his 66th AC chart entry, the highest total of any artist) is a class act, as is the lovely ode to New York, "Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way." Also great: "And the House Fell Down" (reminiscent of "Honky Cat") and the countrified, autobiographical title track. A master at his finest. —Chuck Taylor

A New Boarder!

Bigger than the new ipod shuffles!

Bloody hell...

So it's 3:15am and the phone rings. Who the hell calls at that hour? I answered but there wasn't anyone there. Caller ID said 'blocked call' which is less than zero help. Cripes.

Don't need this crap!

9-11. Five years on.

Remembering the NYC firefighters lost. One of them also frequented a web board I'd been posting to for a few years when 9-11 happened. I also had a friend that worked at Merrill Lynch but who had stayed home that day due to a sick fiancee. I was quite anxious for his safety until I was able to get in touch that morning.

That was a lousy time. Ten days earlier Mother and I had put one of the cats to sleep. He'd gotten into some tainted water outside which caused a stroke. He would've been 11 that October and had been the last survivor of an abandoned litter born outside my bedroom window. 9-11's events I first heard about from Murray in Sydney. I was chatting online with him when he mentioned it had just been on the news that a plane had hit the WTC. He was getting the feed from ABC here in the States and I tuned in as well. Saw the second plane hit like many that morning. There was much sleeplessness, and the anthrax attacks. I did my part for getting back to normal by being one of the few who actually saw Lance Bass star in "On the Line" during its first run in the movie theaters. In October, a friend and one time flatmate from uni was killed in a car accident coming home from work. What a mess of shocks those few months brought to my system.

Now five years later, we don't have Osama and we don't know who sent the anthrax but as yet there hasn't been a terrorist strike successful inside the U.S. Those five years also brought me becoming an uncle (times three) and the passing of both parents. Makes me want to vomit on some abstract level.

I watched the first part of "The Path to 9/11" on ABC tonight, the first TV I've watched here live since Mother passed in Feb. I don't know why there was a controversy. There was nothing new or controversial to anyone who has stayed up on the events that proceeded and through 9/11. I have to complain because my local station is running a football game tomorrow instead of part 2! That's bull.

The first hour or so I'd rate a 9 (scale of 10). It slipped after that but was overall pretty good. I think it could've stood some editing but for all I know stuff was cut and filler put in to meet the running length allotted for tonight. No idea why it left out the bombing of the USS Cole. They jumped from the so-called "Millennium Plot" (Dec 31, 1999, although 2000 was the real end of the 20th century) to September 11, 2001. We didn't even see the hijackers get on the American Airliner. Seems an odd choice but maybe it'll be more clear when I see part 2.

RIP The Croc. Hunter

Steve Irwin, famously the Crocodile Hunter, was killed by a stingray barb to the heart while filming a documentary. Thoughts go out to his widow and their two small children. Details here.

Dumb As Rocks :/

Well, Mother's probably laughing at me and saying, "You never learn!" It is 11am. I am still up from Friday and there is email from Brother that says he is doing errands. It doesn't say he is not coming but that's not really of any meaning. Now mind you this contradicts his email from last night that he would see me today!

So I stayed up, I mowed the lawn, watered, talked to neighbor, got the parts for the master closet doors out of their casing and put into place. I just had a snack. That is my millionth sandwich? I did two hot dogs with lettuce! And then I did... peanut butter sandwich... later when stomach was pained at like 5am I did cheese sandwich and now I just had blackberry perserves on bread. I have had much bread today! Bread and diet coke.

There is much hate in the air. And the duckie is leaving on holiday for 240 hours or something? Oh well.

Anyway, this used to happen when Mother was alive and I had plans with Brother. I would change my schedule and stay up extra and then he would not show up. Mother would say, "Sleep!," at 1 or 2pm. Maybe before? I think I will sleep. Kitty doesn't seem to care when I said I didn't think we would get guest last hour. But she was angry at me for not going to bed earlier! An angry kitty is not good. :(

Why the hairy horse hooves do I bother!? ARGH!!! I will finish my Coke and pass out. *sigh* Such a waste of effort!

Neighbor was right tho. I said what odds do you give me on Brother showing up? He gave long odds! Said SIL would make him do other things!

Here is pic of hot dogs with lettuce! I put sweet pickle relish, mayo, romaine lettuce on bun. Dogs are kosher, all beef. Very tasty!



And here is look at replacement board at neighbors. We put this up yesterday afternoon. It was very quick because of so much prep work done. You can tell from the photo that the color stands out so he has to repaint the other trim along the back of his house.

Mad Scientist?

I have barely eaten today. It's 10pm. Had urge for cereal but no milk. Kitty would not let me milk her so I decided to add water to 'non-dairy creamer' powder for coffee. I still had some non-flavored that was Mother's; I preferred French Vanilla which Mother hated as too sweet although she added sugar to her coffee.

So... two parts water to one part powder. Bottled water. The spoon sucked so I got the whisk out and played boat motor. Well, it looked milk-ish. It wasn't cold so I knew it was not going to be great. I poured it on cereal and stirred it a bit. Spoon to mouth... I did not vomit?

It was creamy tasting. Not like milk although I've been drinking 1% milk fat for ages now... anyway, where was I? Oh, eating cereal. Well by the time I finished the bowel I feared diabetic shock! So *very* sweet! Like daiquiris made with honey!*

I put more I made (a cup) in the fridge to get cold in case I get masochistic enough to finish the cereal using it. This non-dairy creamer is mostly corn-syrup solids which, added to the honey on the cereal just about knocked me down. I had vague memory of Mother saying grandmother did milk substitute from creamer when she ran out but I could be delusional. It's bound to be like powdered milk but this was much creamier in taste.

I looked at powered milk last night at the grocery. WTF is it so expensive for? Even on sale, it was $10 for enough to make up 3 gallons. The only advantage it seems to have is not needing refrigeration although you can get real milk that doesn't need refrigeration either as Parmalat in the States.

I was pissed at the grocery for dropping their store-brand version of the cereal I've been eating. Bastard. Loyal readers will remember how in '05 (or so) another chain stopped stocking a Canadian cereal I'd become attached to. I even wrote to complain. They said it was a poor seller. I think that was crap since they started stocking a very similar "Weight Watchers" branded cereal. That was the last time I flirted with cereal. I've been through many cereal traumas over the years. Buc Wheats from General Mills. During my uni days, I would eat Muesli from Ralston (Purina) dry out of the box as a snack. Ralston's people food sold its branded cereals to General Mills and after that, I think Muesli was axed. Kellogg's still has Mueslix which is similar but different. I ate that awhile, it changed to "Healthy Choice" brand for awhile but it back to being Kellogg's branded. It just wasn't as good as the Ralston one. The list of cereals I got to like and saw murdered by the marketplace goes on but a few I don't recall names for such as one granola cereal from Quaker in the 80's. Anyway, it's just one of those, "You are the most f'ing marginal person alive," things.

Which brings me to TV... which has also seen me get hooked and shows axed. Often once a show reaches critical mass of wide appeal I find it's turned to crap. "The Sopranos" for example.

I'm bored of blogging for now. Might go to bed very soon.

Nomad?

Ok, so I'm thinking of taking up a nomadic life. Sort of. I was thinking this evening, feeling in a vaguely 'up' mood, that I'd like to do some of those 20-something things that I missed out on. You know, road trips I didn't do at university and so forth. I realized (or maybe that's not the right word) that I've lived for others a long time. I don't have to do that, there's no reason to take upon myself the estate's debt and keep this house. I should experience something like living. Mother would have wanted that. Hell, it took me time to get her to accept she was in that position herself: she didn't have to answer to others, she could travel. Sadly, that realization came to late for her to embrace and enjoy it fully.

The easy thing is for me to stay here, take root, meet no one, life a monastic life fitting my quickly balding head and just be the rock stable thing that doesn't change with time. Some would say I "gave up" a lot of my "best years" for family, for duty. That seems ridiculous to me but that's because I haven't entirely embraced the passages of time and that I'm not getting younger. Mother used to say, "You were born old." And on a lot of levels that's true.

I "deserve" a mid-life crisis moment of youthful indiscretion. Or something that is my equivalent.

A lot of my depressive moods and self-flagilation (not literally, sorry duckie!) has been focuses on feeling 'useless' and 'of no use to anybody'. Well, is it any wonder? There's no one left. Whether I did the best, most perfect job or not, my task of parental caregiving is over (or close to it). If not now than once the estate closes. Maybe that's one reason I'm not in a rush and happily working on the house, meeting the estate's obligations and so forth. It's a bit of a continuation of taking care of Mother.

Still, I wish the Mother was here.

No Surprises...

Well, it's Saturday. I was up early this morning, did some watering. Brother called around 9:30am or so and said he was at work and wouldn't be out. Please contain your shock! Actually, I think I can hear Duckie laughing at me for being dumb enough to believe he'd show. *sigh*

Water and power are paid up so I don't have to think about them anymore. Need to go do my monthly bill-paying routine on Monday. Trying to decide if I want to pay off credit card or not.

I've been in a really unpleasant state of mind in recent days. I'm not worried for money but I'm not in any sense happy. In fact I've been ragging on myself of being lazy and useless. Speaking of lazy, I think I'll go buy something to drink.

With Ernesto Coming...

With hurricane (typhoon) Ernesto heading into the Gulf of Mexico and the potential to hit the Katrina landfall area, I thought I'd post one of the more humorous videos.

Click the play button below to watch the scene.

Foul mood

Bah humbug.

Hide Me From Evil!?

Well, it's been awhile since I made an entry so I'll try to catch the blog up. The water bill thing continues. I got a "OMG YOU HAVEN'T PAID" notice after seeing that I had a credit balance after overpaying twice. So I called, made the payment. They were going to shut off water Friday if I did not pay? They are stupid as hell? But this is government. They can't be expected to get things right! At some point they'll get caught up with the payments made and this will smooth out. In theory.

Neighbor had termite inspector back to look at board that was more damaged than inspector had said. Inspector said, "Meh," neighbor said, "I got new board, bitch! Go away!"

We took down old board. It took an hour. I got the end with eight nails and much termite abuse! Lucky me?

I had just gotten settled to reply to email from estate lawyer (QUICK! SELL HOUSE!) when neighbor came back to get circular saw to cut new board. I went over to help. We cut new board, then marked places for nails and cut old board. Saw is crap. I hate saw? Was one of father's saws and not mine. I think it needs a new (or sharpened) blade.

Inspector was lazy and wrong? Board had many inside tunnels along board from termites. So new board is ready but neighbor is going to pre-treat board and probably paint it before we put it up. It is almost 4m long; not for one person to do?

I want a nap? Tired. Off my meds, so kitty keeps me on short leash? La. La. La.

Yesterday I got notice estate was 'delinquent' on a debt despite having made payments as requested these recent months. They want $2400? I'm like, "WTF?" I call, idiot says, computer tells me you owe! Computer didn't even have all the payments in it. *sigh* Company just got taken up by another so maybe it has made things weird or something. Anyway, I guess I am loaning estate money to get payments up to being current and the existing pay schedule can take over again. It's all *very* stupid.

Brother still hasn't taken over life insurance policy that Mother had on him? Notice came that payment is almost one month passed due? It is $24? Again, much stupidness. Paperwork for him to take over policy has been given to him twice?

I need to find a wood chipper (mulcher) to dive into, I would feel better? Or the same?

There is other stuff too but that is all I can complain. My legs say, "Get up and move!," so I'll go fetch a drink. Just got 'breakfast' in me. It's 3pm. Been up probably 7 hours.

Congratulations, Ms. Hudson, for proving Simon WRONG!

It took awhile for me to warm up to her after a really bizarre gospel version of Imagine but I was a big fan of Jennifer Hudson during American Idol 3. Now she is starring in film with Jamie Foxx and Beyonce. Simon had made comments clearly about Jennifer that she wouldn't be seen from again, despite what she or other contestents felt when she was cut just a week after she was the top vote getter.

Based on a popular Broadway musical, Dreamgirls is due in December! The singing voice over the trailer is Jennifer.

Mother was a fan too! I'm very happy for Jennifer and want to see the movie!

Birthday! Do We Celebrate Or Rue?

The original IBM PC, known as Model 5150, turns 25 on Saturday.

Self Loathing Is An Artform?

Well if not than it should be! What did I do today? Well, I was sleeping and swear the phone rang and I ignored it and then machine took call and I hard mumbles and "card services" but then I decided to get up and use the toilet. I did and checked the machine, no message! At least that's what I remember. I got back into bed. I'd slept maybe 2 hours. That's my story anyway!

Later I checked to see if the machine wasn't taking messaged but left myself a message without problem. I tried to use the call-back service but was told it wasn't available for that line. I don't know if that meant the line I called from or the line I was trying to reach. Anyway, since it failed I should be charged. If it was a call and was important they'll call back. Should not have been any reason to call me. I watered dirt although I noticed more tiny grasses yearning to suffer the scorching sun. Neighbor was working on a painting project prep for tomorrow. His bug inspection went OK.

I had just finished cleaning fish tanks. Poor fish haven't had cleaning since Feb or Mar. I am not good for them. :(

Then I had litter box outside. I gave up on the underlayment I was using (kitchen bin-sized trash bag) and tried something else this time. I had to clean litter box a lot. No wonder kitty has been angry at me and using outdoors for litter box! I am not good with litter box like Mother was. I was better with fish when Mother was helping. I would've given them fresh rocks instead of reusing but I can't find them easily and Brother only looked once when I told him to look where he shops. That place is the most consistent at having them. Maybe I should check online.

I had too much cereal again. Two bowls at different times though. The second time I was too lazy for anything more complicated and just not in the mood for much food. I was in foul mood tonight. Very self-loathing. Closer to 10 pm, I went outside and watered dirt again. I was irritated and sullen. I trimmed the edges of my ice plant in the flower box and also the edge of the grass near the street. I was cleaning up when neighbor came outside. It was earlier than usual. He had coffee. I thought that was strange since it was warm evening. He had put wife to bed early and she was cold, demanding blanket. I guess that is why I didn't get invited over. We chatted a bit. Now it is almost midnight. I had blackberry preserves on bread. Am scanning a pamphlet on door openings for Brother.

Must relax. I will try to go to bed before 2pm I think. There is no Duckie tonight. It is Thursday for him. Sleeping time all depends on what I do the next hour or two.

Had strange dream that involved (not dead in dream) grandmother and the house. I can't remember it clearly but in dream I was working on the house. Anyway, there's little point saying more since I've forgotten now. Dreams are always about stupid things like house or isolation!

Meh.

Let's see, what has been done this week? Ants are gone. Been watering dirt. In two spots there are tiny grasses. But not much elsewhere. Neighbor said it will take three weeks so I will try to be patient. I swear I'm in a time warp!

I did groceries. Took 2 hours? First, I went to bank to put in deposit for estate. Internet lied about banking hours. They were not yet closed but I used ATM anyway. Then to the grocery... there was a long wait at the deli, I let some nicely dressed 20-something go ahead of me. Technically he was there before I was but he didn't realize it or because I was in the deli area and had been at the counter earlier but left to check pre-made salads. I got two 'half pound" containers of chicken-caesar salad. Great, right? Half-pound is .5 lbs, not .19 and .23 which is what I was given. :( At least I paid for exact amount but that meant I ate both the same day! Evil! Anyway, the pre-made kits are cheaper than the stuff mushed up in the cold case for some reason. Don't understand why. It's stupid! I got one kit too which I had today.

What next? I got many items. I needed 'sweet pickle relish' and couldn't decide if I wanted house-brand (cheap!), brand with coupon or preferred brand. I got one of the house-brand and one of brand with coupon which is normally more expensive than brand I prefer. I say 'prefer' because I haven't had the other two! It was what I always had. I got these others so I can see if they are acceptable alternatives for future reference. One house-brand (store-brand) at another grocery is just crap. Mother used to work developing store-brands of popular items as food chemist when she was in her 20s. She did not cook when I was born, her mother did the cooking and when she passed on when I was 16, Mother did cooking but had no patience and so it was not great. She let me do the cooking for us. That was better? I still have things in the freezer that were planned for me to cook! *sigh*

Ok, back to grocery! There was weird guy ahead of me in line? He emptied my cart for me and didn't say anything. He had goofy look on his face. He was employee but that was weird anyway. I bought almost too much! I had considered buying online and having delivery but that seemed to emphasize my 'shut-in' syndrome. I had taken a luggage carrier that Mother had in a backpack when I went to grocery. I put my liquids into the backpack: 2 soda, 3 milk, 2 gatorade. I put the frozen food on the luggage carrier. It had no basket or case so I used a portfolio as a base and weaved the tension line through the bags. The other bags I carried by hand. I had to take two or three rests on the way to the house. The back was screaming for relief! I made it OK. Food got put away fast and then I had breakfast!

That was Monday. Tuesday, I didn't do much at all. Just deep water of dirt. Talked to neighbor for a couple minutes in the early evening. I paid bills online. Power bill is corrected. Dropped from over $150 to under $35! It was good I called about bad reading. Stupid, lazy worker! I paid student loan. I couldn't find the old coupon book so I waited on that. Oops, ran late. I had almost forgotten. But I didn't. It's paid until the end of the month. Loan is almost paid off. I could pay off now but am trying to conserve funds for anticipated move. *sigh* :/

Email from brother came day late explaining why he wasn't here: SIL 'had plans' so he got to watch the kids on Sunday?

So that is what has gone on. I know there is more but I am tired? Cat will come and meow that I sleep soon. She is very demanding. My right leg is a bit sore at the thigh and my back is stiff and aching. I said on the way back with groceries that if I do that again Mother should smack me upside the head! No one offered to help but I got many quizzical looks. I got one snide comment from a boney white guy with feathered hair like the late 70's disco or hair-band era in the 80's. He was just trying to impress the two he was with. It was hilarious, really, because I hate calling attention to myself in public. I just realize I got that from Mother--this might be more recent feeling, I'm not sure?

I want fooding. Maybe a snack before bedtime?