Self Loathing Is An Artform?

Well if not than it should be! What did I do today? Well, I was sleeping and swear the phone rang and I ignored it and then machine took call and I hard mumbles and "card services" but then I decided to get up and use the toilet. I did and checked the machine, no message! At least that's what I remember. I got back into bed. I'd slept maybe 2 hours. That's my story anyway!

Later I checked to see if the machine wasn't taking messaged but left myself a message without problem. I tried to use the call-back service but was told it wasn't available for that line. I don't know if that meant the line I called from or the line I was trying to reach. Anyway, since it failed I should be charged. If it was a call and was important they'll call back. Should not have been any reason to call me. I watered dirt although I noticed more tiny grasses yearning to suffer the scorching sun. Neighbor was working on a painting project prep for tomorrow. His bug inspection went OK.

I had just finished cleaning fish tanks. Poor fish haven't had cleaning since Feb or Mar. I am not good for them. :(

Then I had litter box outside. I gave up on the underlayment I was using (kitchen bin-sized trash bag) and tried something else this time. I had to clean litter box a lot. No wonder kitty has been angry at me and using outdoors for litter box! I am not good with litter box like Mother was. I was better with fish when Mother was helping. I would've given them fresh rocks instead of reusing but I can't find them easily and Brother only looked once when I told him to look where he shops. That place is the most consistent at having them. Maybe I should check online.

I had too much cereal again. Two bowls at different times though. The second time I was too lazy for anything more complicated and just not in the mood for much food. I was in foul mood tonight. Very self-loathing. Closer to 10 pm, I went outside and watered dirt again. I was irritated and sullen. I trimmed the edges of my ice plant in the flower box and also the edge of the grass near the street. I was cleaning up when neighbor came outside. It was earlier than usual. He had coffee. I thought that was strange since it was warm evening. He had put wife to bed early and she was cold, demanding blanket. I guess that is why I didn't get invited over. We chatted a bit. Now it is almost midnight. I had blackberry preserves on bread. Am scanning a pamphlet on door openings for Brother.

Must relax. I will try to go to bed before 2pm I think. There is no Duckie tonight. It is Thursday for him. Sleeping time all depends on what I do the next hour or two.

Had strange dream that involved (not dead in dream) grandmother and the house. I can't remember it clearly but in dream I was working on the house. Anyway, there's little point saying more since I've forgotten now. Dreams are always about stupid things like house or isolation!