Blog? Why Yes It Is!

So... I just haven't been in mood to blog. I did something this week I guess.

I repainted the house outside. I didn't die although I did pick up some cuts and smash a finger when the ladder slipped. You missed my surfing across the patio trying to paint and my acrobatics too. My legs ached a bit last night.

I also painted the center bathroom walls and did the ceiling today. I probably could do another coat on each but I had enough paint fumes for now.

Father for some reason had glued(!) the shower curtain rod to the walls so I had to patch it when I took the rod down. I'm going to put glass doors back up. Brother, I think, is due out tomorrow (Sunday). I didn't make any calls. I just wasn't in the mood. I have been eating way too much cereal. Twice a day it seems. Not really in the mood for proper food. I seem to be tormenting myself. I'll blame Duckie just because?

On Thursday I visited with neighbor a bit but it was a bad night to visit. He put his wife to bed early and I left somewhat early too.

Vegas replied to my email and is trying to talk me out of financing for house. I don't know. I'm in the mood that I just want it all to go away for awhile. I was thinking about Mother. Last weekend when Brother was over, the niece (4 yrs old) called to demand he come home and asked if Nanna was here. Oh, the baby nephew can now roll over. That's good!

I wonder if I've put on a few pounds. It's probably just my paint-affected mind. I haven't really had a paint cold but have been a little ditzy. More than normal but that's probably not eating right. When the hell is Mother going to come home? That's what I keep feeling, like she's "out there" still and I'm holding down the homestead awaiting her return. *sigh*

This coming week I must demand update from insurance so I can make plans for July (and later). Will they pay, won't they pay... did I not get an update in the mail that I should've, etc.

Saw the finale of Everwood. It was a damn good ending. I didn't tear up but it did tug at my emotions. Well written. Yeah, maybe it's a bit "too neat" of an ending. I'm curious what the alternate season ending version is like. It was done in case a fifth season was coming which seems basically impossible now. Really, I'd like to get the seasons on DVD. Of course only season 1 is available with no plans for the other three right now. Very annoying.

I think that's one thing that has annoyed me this week. I've been thinking or seeing things that I say, "Oh, I'd like to buy that," but obviously I can't. I'm holding on to every penny I have except for essentials and bill paying. I've also seen things that made me think of Mother and "Oh, I should tell her about that" or "Oh, maybe she'd like to go see that" or "Oh, I should ask her about that"... and there was thinking of the holiday gifts she didn't get to use, books she didn't get to read. The china we had collected to use. So many things. There's still a lot of "shock" going on with me. I haven't really altered her room yet. I have given thought to renting the whole house out rather than just rooms. That would mean my moving but that's OK. I'd get more income. I've long had a fantasy dream that I'd keep this house and live somewhere else. This would be my investment property or if I ever started a family where it could take root. I could get the house for less than 3/5ths of its market value.

I'd be looking at borrowing $300K to buy the estate's debt and Brother's share. If insurance pays I can put up 10%, get in some travel and sock away the rest in investments. Over 30 years, payments could be under $1400/month. More than that can be had in rent in this market, probably as much as $2000 for this house. Brother pays $1700 for 3 bedrooms with 1960's appliances and poor wiring. This is four with 21st century appliances and good wiring. Yes, there are other expenses like house taxes and insurance but they're low. Most American's move every 5 years or so and don't actually stay long enough to pay off a mortgage. I might not either but the equity would be mine. I can look at that with an eye towards retirement or to cover unforseen expenses.

Last weekend I said to Brother that it was a damned shame she isn't alive to see the house taking shape. He countered that it was a shame both parents aren't still around. Well, truth is I have no absent feeling for Father. I spent 24/7 with him when he was less than himself in the most undignified circumstances of health awaiting death. That's who I remember. The sick man. I didn't really know the other so much because he was pretty much all about working. I didn't really have the connection Brother did. It's a shame, really. I think Father's Day is coming up next weekend.

The weed and grass kill is working out for me. Well, I think I'll go put together another bowl of cereal or something to drown my sorrows in.